Nicholas Marty Nespolini

HELLO MY SOUL, SERENITY & SANITY.  

IT IS NOW 14 YEARS SINCE I LAST SAW YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE OR HEARD YOUR VOICE CALLING ME MAMA. TO ME IT IS A THOUSAND YEARS SINCE THE LAST TIME I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES OR KISSED YOUR FACE.
I HAVE ACHED BEYOND WORDS FOR YOUR HUGS BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY FOR YOUR BREADTH, YOUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. 

YOU WERE AN AMAZING SON. YOUR NURTURED MY HEART AND MY SOUL WITH YOUR AMAZING SMILE AND LIFE. YOU GAVE ME REASON MY LOVE. YOU TURNED A YOUNG GIRL INTO A WOMAN / MOTHER / FIGHTER / WARRIOR JUST BY TAKING IN YOUR FIRST BREADTH. A BABY BOY WHO BY JUST BEING MADE ME WHO I AM~ THANK YOU MY LOVE, MY LIFE FOR GIVING ME LOVE THAT COULD NEVER BE AGAIN. 

YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT YOU CARRIED ME AT THE FOREFONT OF YOUR MIND. MY LOVE, I CARRY YOU EVERYWHERE I GO, IN THE HEART OF MY HEART AND AT THE CORE OF MY SOUL. I ACHE FOR YOU AND IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY. I MISS YOU EVEN MORE. I HAVE AGED WITHOUT YOU BUT I PRAY YOU HAVENT AGED A SECOND WITHOUT ME. I NEED TO SEE YOU AS YOU WERE. 

THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS SHOWING ME YOU ARE WITH ME. 
THANK YOU FOR LEAVING ME THE MESSAGES. I GET EVERY ONE OF THEM. 
THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME AS YOU DO, MY LOVE I LOVE YOU EVEN THAT MUCH MORE UNCONDITIONALLY. FOREVER! 
BECAUSE OF YOU I AM AND BECAUSE OF YOU I WILL BECOME~
IM FLYING HOME ON YOUR DAY. PLEASE LEAVE ME A SIGN ~ YOU KNOW I WILL ALWAYS BE IN NEED!
MY LOVE, MY SOUL, SERENTIY & SANITY BECAUSE OF YOU, I REMAIN!

MY FOREVER LOVE... I WILL LOVE YOU INFINITELY ~ I WILL ACHE EVEN MORE UNTIL WE ARE TOGETHER AGAIN. 
DANCING ON THE MOON TO OUR FAVORITE TUNE~
 
GIVE YOUR UNCLE HARRY A HUGE KISS FOR ME TODAY. IT IS HIS BIRTHDAY AND TODAY HE WOULD HAVE BEEN 66 YEARS OLD. I MISS HIM SOOOO MUCH. PLEASE TELL HIM HE WAS THE GREATEST BROTHER A BABY SISTER CAN HAVE. THANK HIM FOR HIS LOVE. YOU TOOK AFTER HIM WITH YOUR UNDYING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. SO PURE AND AMAZING! 

LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK! 
ONE DAY SOON TOGETHER ON THE MOON
LOVE YOU 
MAMA DUKES!

Hello My Love, You will always be the heart of my heart, the blood of my blood and my soul, serenity and sanity~ I miss you terribly. I want you to know that there isn't a day that I do not ache for your smile, eyes, face, hugs, voice just calling me Momma! 

My love, our era of time has shifted to a place where I see that more mothers and fathers are suffering the loss of their beautiful children, this breaks my heart. I do not know if our current state of government has taken the everlasting pain parents, especially what a mother endures for her child, into consideration when they chose to play GOD with the lives of their loved ones in the name of power & politics. They are cheap equal to a pair of old navy flip flops. 

My love, things are not the same as when you were here and I cant help but always reflect to that time. A time where as a mom I didnt worry as I do today for your brothers and sisters future and for all children. AS you know, I will not sit quietly and worry but rather will stand and fight. AS I have taught you, Mikey and Angie, I too will apply the same.... It will always be about GOD & his People~ Promise you my love. I will never lose sight of mothers and their sacrifice. 

Booboo, we sacrifice our body, our blood and the molecules that give us life, for our babies. I WILL NOT EVER LOSE SIGHT of this ~ Much to do and much will be done. I ask you and My Jesus to keep the shield up, in turn, I will remain with the hand forged fortitude to ensure that gods will and love for his angels shine like a beacon of truth and hope. 

I promise you my love, and God that I will fight for every person as if each are you; with every molecule of my existence, if it means my life. I will give it up to ensure that Mothers can rest in the knowing that their children will have safety and a great opportunity to embrace the dreams that their mamas sacrificed for them.  I ask you my love, to hold my hand, hold it tight at times when you know it is needed. You know that my hearts heart and passion can ....... I ask you to hold my hand because you know asking you to carry me with all of this water weight is not an option for my booboo... LOL. 

My love, the other day your little bro Scott made me sooooo proud of him. Listening to him talk as a Doctor just gave my soul such joy. All of your brothers down here are doing well as you know. I am proud of them all~ 
Most importantly, your little shit has been an angel ~ Sweet, pure , honest, loving, giving and my PRIDE AND JOY. Your little Shit is my biggest ROCK and will forever be MY RYAN and the love of my life as well. With that you know the Drill.............. Always my love... always ~
Your little you is my angel and me which means you as well. Your little you is sooo good and angelic. The other day, Tommy saw her face for the first time since she was a baby and was shocked as I always am ......... Please Give God a Huge kiss from me, Please tell him I said Thank You for all that he has done~ It will NEVER be forgotten. It is my time now to pay it forward ......

I love you with my soul. You will forever be the reason why I am! 
One day soon, we will be dancing on the moon. Until then Lets Kick some Butts here! 
Love you my Love~~~~
MamaDukes. 


 

My Love, 
Today is heavy as is every day without you. Today, I saw something amazing so I pray it will come true. My Love, I have learned soooo much these past 2 years, especially this year. I have learned that many turn a blinds eye to gods gifts and do not recognize the beauty in the simplest of things. I have learned that many, no matter how much they have been given in the gifts that life has given them, they remain hungry. I have learned that selfishness is times of trouble grows more than not. All in all I have learned to let go of a lot because none is as important to me then my tomorrow with you in heaven. I pray that I am measured my love for everything and that I ma forgiven if I have done anything to offend God. It was never with intent! 

Tonight on New Years Eve, the last day of this awful year I heard things from you know who, that shocked the essence. How could it be so that she feels so entitled especially when nothing was done for that entitlement. It so Sad! I have and will leave that and much more in the wind so to let that wind blow it in the direction the universe wishes to take it. 

Tonight, I want you to know how much I miss you. I miss you with the core of my soul. I miss you with the molecules and cells that give me a cycle to life, I miss you with every thought and breath I take, I miss you while I sleep and every single moment while I am awake. I miss your voice calling my name. I miss your kisses and your tenderness towards me. I miss our talks. I miss our laughs. I miss my baby boy, my soul, my serenity , my sanity. I miss your eyes, I miss your laughter, I miss your HUGS oh boy how I miss your hugs.... I miss your hair, I miss your Smell. I miss just wathcing you dance in the mirror, I miss your gorgeous face. I miss talking about life and our plans, I miss your babies, I miss your graduation, I miss your wedding, Your first Car, Your new home, your career. I miss you sooooo much It is only getting harder!!!! 

I miss my life as it was with you, mikey, daddy and of course now with Angelina. I wish we were whole. I miss you soooo much. Please give me signs I desperately NEED your hugs and kisses! 

Love you with my SOUL. 
You are me and I am you forever. 

WATCH OVER YOUR LITTLE SHIT... He always needs his big Brother by his side. Shield him my love. He is my Rock and need you to always guide him. 

XOXOXOXOX  

My Soul & Serenity, 
Today is your 29th Birthday. Twenty Nine Years ago @ 5:14pm, I saw your beautiful face and it was that very moment that you gave me hope, and the feeling of infinite unconditional love. That moment you made me into a proud woman and mother. That very moment you took my breathe away and I no longer could breathe without you breathing with me. It was that very moment that you showed me that GOD's Glory was given through the innocence of your eyes and face. 29 Years ago you made me who I am Today and who I will be forever! 
I love you and miss your face and hugs terribly. 
Thank You always my Love for showing me that you are always with me. 
You will forever be my SOUL, SERENITY and SANITY. 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET SUNSHINE. 
I look forward to that day when we embrace and dance to our tune, " On the Moon"

My Love, on MARCH 27th, you met Baba again. I prayed that you were amongst the first to greet him. I asked him to hug and Kiss you a thousand times. I believe he heard me my love. I saw he tried .....
My BooBoo, I live in a knowing. A knowing that is undeniably solid, yet It still hurts. It hurts sooo damn much at times its hard ....

The other day I imagined Baba seeing you and hugging & kissing you, although it was sooo peaceful to imagine it also gave me the greatest feeling of sadness and quite frankly got me jealous! I want to hug you and kiss you a thousand times. I miss you my love soooooooo much. 

I thought about how long Bute has waited to be with her only son again and thought I hope her time did not feel like my time. It seems like a thousand years for me. Maybe even longer!  I ache and that never goes away... A long Journey my love!!!!!

My booboo, Baba had a visiter a Man he didnt recognize that waited by his bedside " as he claimed" for almost a week. I hope it was his daddy! Then I also hope it was you! He didnt see you as a grown boy and maybe he didnt recognize you. Either way I know he was greeted by pure love.  I am greatful and thank god Jesus for his love and grace with Baba! 

Today, was Baba Burial. I didnt stay long enough to watch him leave the surface. Its was an end that I did not want to comprehend. A finality that I would rather not draw in my soul. For me, Baba is now off to work in Sync with you and the others while we too work here. To me, he is good and you are even better with your Grandpa there!  Harry came over me and felt quite ashamed for not visiting him for the past couple years. My God, the pain is always sooo fresh!  I needed to visit him today. I gave to him what I have held and he in turn took the weight of all the things I have been carrying.  I miss him sooooo much!!! SO I ask that you please give him an amazing Nicnic Hug and tell him that I love him and thank him for everything he has done here and continued to do for me through my life's journey. I know! TELL HIM THANK YOU FOR BEING THE BEST BIG BROTHER A LITTLE SISTER COULD HAVE! 

My booboo, you know where my heart and soul has its weakness. AS you know, It is this weakness that  provides me the very essence of strength to thrive.  What will I do without the very weakness that gives me my strength??????

Please ask my Jesus, especially during times when my my heart & soul is screaming , thus becoming muffled to PLEASE BE THERE IN MY TIME OF NEED!  I will always NEED him my love. I will always be in need and there is NO one that can provide the shelter my heart and soul needs with the mercy it requires at all times. PLEASE ALWAYS HOLD MY HAND MY LOVE! 


Please give BABA my love. Tell him I will not see his passing as an end but rather the beginning and ask that HE TOO now Hold my hand when my times of need arise and always because as you know " I am always in NEED". Booboo, Baba doesnt really know how needy I am! haahaha!  Always will be in need of Grace and Mercy and will always always seek it from My Jesus, You, Harry, farije and Now Baba and all of life's parted angels! 

I Love you beyonds words can say. I love you to the moon and back. 
One day soon my love we will be dancing on the moon!!!!~! 
My forever love, you will always be my soul, serenity and sanity!!!

Dear Nick,

i'm just a stranger, but I passed by your photo on the Cross Bx Expressway displayed for the world to see. I may not have known you, but I know we walked down the same roads and lived in the same area. We walked the same walks and probably talked the same talks while dwelling the same blocks. I hope your family is holding on strong. The world is so small--life is short and i see that you gotta live every second doing your best. Peace be with you. 

Yesterday was your birthday, and as always I was overwhelmed with emotions. I came home after work to see white balloons on your front steps after hours of thinking of you, and I just felt like you were there. I miss you Nick, I always will. I hope your birthday was beautiful. I lit your candles down here on earth, and prayed that you would share some time with me throughout your day. And I feel like you really did. Even 9 years later, I can't help but talk to you. You are the kind of soul that people yearn to find. A friend that everyone wishes they had. And I got the chance to call you my best friend, and I feel blessed for that. Thank you for always being amazing you.

I love you Nick. Happy Brithday. Una Due Tu Shum <3  

I made it 10 minutes after waking up without crying today. Then I saw your picture, and the feelings rush back up through me. I thank God always that I got to have you in my life. And sometimes there aren't many words that can convey the way we feel, but I hope your birthday is beautiful in Heaven and thank you for always being exactly what I needed. I love you Nick. une due tu shum. 

You came home in my dreams last night <3 thank you.

une due tu shum 

Happy Birthday Nick <3

I feel kind of wierd today. I've felt wierd all week. I haven't felt you and it's making me feel absent within myself. I just dont feel very present. I have seen how beautiful it is outside and I'm wondering if thats you shining through. I've been thinking about a lot.  I pictured how beautiful Heaven must be if Earth holds such beauty. And I've been thinking how it must have gotten even more beautiful when you got your wings. How for each person Heaven must look so much more beautiful and comforting as more and more of their loved ones grow their wings. I think thats pretty amazing, because eventually you realize that home, is where  your heart is. And when you love, little pieces of your heart get to travel with those people that you love. And one day, all of those pieces get to meet again and become whole. 

It's Luna's birthday as well. I  feel like shes the present you sent to me.  It's great because her birthday makes me go out and enjoy the day, and remember you.

Sometimes, depite the amount of people around me, I feel alone. There this beautiful poem, called "Footprints In The Sand" and the last line makes me think of you when I don't feel you. "It was then that I carried you" 

I hope you knock on my window soon. I miss you Nick.

Enjoy your birthday <3 Una Due Tu Shum 

P.S. I travel with you in my pockets, so I hope that you have loved the countries we've vistited.