Nic we are missing you so much and I cannot believe that 11 months went by without teze hearing your voice or geting your hugs or just me being silly and smacking you on the neck.  soon your sister will be born and I hope your there to see her and I hope mommy sees you too. It wll never be the same without you. You left a long lasting love in our hearts and soul, I know in my soul, and heart I break into trillions of pieces just knowing i will not see you in this life again. I have to ask your mom if you have a long sleeve light blue shirt that I kept seeing in my dreams because all I kept seeing was your arm going around my neck as if your were reach to hug me but all I can remember is your reach out and the light blue long sleeve shirt. I know it was you because I heard yur voice but did not see your face. Please come back so I can see your eyes, smile and feel your hug. I know I am asking for too much but if you can when you get a chance I would love to hug you so much. Thank you for letting me know that you dropped by last night.

Until we meet again Teze loves you soooooo much. I put this picture up because its all of you that makes you whole and complete.

Teze loves you Teze Loves you and I miss you soooooo much....12/30/209

Nic nic I miss the little boy's face that grew so quickly now I miss the young man you became I go through the days feeling lost and empty deep inside missing you so much. I miss your eyes your laugh the ways you are joking around and especially when Mikey would get on you. I really miss your smile espeially when you would come over nena's and we would hug but could not resist to smack your neck HAHAHA.... Bud you took a piece of me with you I just cant deal with not for my eyes to see you or hug you that really hurts in my soul. I wish I can just hug you again and smack that neck again just hearing you say Tez what the hell and you would laugh.

I miss all this and more I Love you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo much I will see you soon.

Nic nic all day I was re-living the times how we made each other laugh playing with your play station and your laugh is so contagious. We would sit there and play and I never got bored. I always had fun with you and ajdar when it came to playing you both have a unique laugh. Nic nic I miss hearing your laugh, your eyes the way you told your stories you would bounce back and forth. Damn how I miss you so much. I will see you soon and I will hear your laugh again.

I send you my hugs and kisses for now

I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH 12/4/2009

THE LIGHT OF JESUS

Teze - 7/11/2009

Jesus cries everyday the day your life was taken away from us especially from your mom, dad and mikey now your sister who will not know you the way we do. As she grows she will know about you and we will make sure she knows you. On the day of Jan 30 2009 it took others to play the roll of GOD and they will be DAMNED in ways that they will ask GOD for forgivness but GOD wont be there to help they will endure the pain that they put upon your mom, dad and mikey and the rest of us that LOVE you so much and go through life without you here. Nic you will see and I wll hear GOD always had his way and he will prevail his wrath upon all those that had hands on your life and for those that turned their backs on you and did not want to help is no different then those that took you away from us, they too will know the wrath of GOD. There is nowhere to hide from GOD he will see to it that everyone involved he will bring them the pain they have caused us AMEN

Nic Nic just stay by your dad, mom and mikey and soon your sister will come keep them safe and watch over them ask Jesus and mother Mary to come to your house and watch over them and as well as everyone else that loves you to watch over them as well. Kiddo Teze misses you so much but the day will come that GOD bring them all down everyone AMEN

LOVE YOU LOVE YOU ....Soooooo Much!

Nic nic everyday I miss you so much, everyday I go thinking I will wake up to this nightmare, but everyday I wake up and its just for a split second I believe you are here then I see your pictures then it hits me like a sledge hammer drilling in my chest. How I miss your kisses, hugs, smile, and those beautiful eyes that tare me inside my soul like a sword.

When I go to your house its not the same your not there I miss seeing you there. I miss when you would come over nena's.

I go back and remember you as a baby and how easy it was to make you laugh and what a beautiful laugh you had I just swing you towards the mirror and saying " whose that boy in the mirror" how I wish I could turn back time. I miss the little boy in you and I miss the young man you became you had so much life, passion and love you had for everyone. I miss looking into your eyes and now never to see them again it burns my soul like a torch. I miss when you call me Teze how I will never hear it again this is taring me apart my heart feels like its in a grinding machine shredding it into trillions of pieces.

Nearly four months has gone by and the more time passes the more the pain thickens in the pit of my soul it feels as if a large steel pipe was jammed into my soul and let the life right out of me. Theres not enough words to really explain my love and how much I miss you.

What repeats in my head is when you called the a week before you left and asked me when Ajdar was returning from europe so you go take the karate classes together with him, it burns me up inside the thought you will never be able ever to go with Ajdar to those classes. 

Bud this is not the way its suppose to be its so hard to wake up everyday without you here.  I wish that GOD can turn back time for us and bring you back especially for your mom, dad & mikey they need you the most I wish GOD could grant that one wish for them and me just one wish for you to come back home to us.

I try so hard to contain my emotions around your mom, dad & mikey because I need to be there for them but when I walk away I just want to take my skin and rip it apart because the pain is too much to bare. The loss is too great and too painful and I dont know what to do sometimes. I go in a rage within myself and fight with my thoughts, feelings and the emotions take the best of sometimes because I get lost in the memories of you and it drives me nuts because I will never have anymore memories of you and this is not right. I wish life had a rewind button just to bring you back.

I miss you so much these words are not enough to express how I am feeling.

I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHH....Teze

I LOVE YOU

The morning I heard you have left us, I was not in that moment of truth but in disbelief. When I got to your house i ask your mom are you ok and the words that I did not want to hear ripped through me like a chainsaw cutting me in half. Nic nic I did not want to know this is true and i ran out side screaming out side and asking why GOD why!!

I was left so numb inside i just kept holding my phone hoping i will hear my alarm and wake up from this nightmare. I kept pacing up and down the street in front of your house wondering if this is real. After a while being outside and talking to GOD and asking him why but then one of the neigbors that your mom and dad knows grabbed me and held me and then I screamed and said i cannot do this Nic nic not being here its not true and i kept crying.  I seem to walk with emptiness in my soul and drive and not know where I am going. Sometimes i seem to catch your pictures on my dashboard and it hits me that you are not here.

Its been four weeks and I still feel you around as if you never left, I get momemts like this such as last night when i was search for answers on the website for love ones you loose and this site came out by accident so i created your website and then it dawned on me that you are not here and I felt this HUGE ball of steel hit me in my chest that it hurts so much. I dont know what to do with this pain accept I just want to hit myself with something so hard to to releif this pain in my heart and soul.

I really cannot talk to your mom or your dad they are hurting in their own way that I cannot imagine but I feel the pain. So this is my way of talking to you and when the day I will see you again or hear you in my dream. Nic nic I really miss you so much that sometimes I think my chest is going to explode into pieces. I really do not know what to do but just scream inside so no one hear me because this pain is so unbearable.  People say time erases the pain that is not true because when harry and farije died and its years later and the pain is still there. I cannot help in how much I love you Nic nic I have no words to explain but it feels as if I gave birth to you.

When I first saw you all I can remember is this beautiful face that had light around your face all the time and I do not know if everyone saw it but I always did and kept that to myself. The lips you always had as a little baby is what i call lollypop lips round and puffy that i just wanted to bite them. It was amazing to know that you as a baby like you, you did not make a noise for anything even when you were hungry you just make this squeeky type of noise and your mom or me knew it was either feeding time or to change your diaper. We would put you in front of the TV and you were content as little as you were. Talking about you in the past tense is really killing me. I want you here I want you here and I would give myself if I knew how just to bring you back I want you here GOD I want him here...

I am so angry at the world because they will never know how you were the way we do, I am angry that know one will never know your heart and soul that you have, and your eyes you can see LOVE, honesty, grace, respect, loyalty, and how you felt for everyone and thier pain and made it yours.

Nic nic you have so much LOVE that you always gave and you still give because everyone who knows you feel your loss.

Nic nic I will talk to you again real soon....Love you always for eternity teze

Nic Nic as you said you are your dad all the way through and that is what you are and always will be!

You are your mothers soul, serenity and sanity and you will carry her through under your wings!

You are Michael's strength, soul and heart and you are his light that guided him through then, now and always! 

You are their strenght and the light that will lead them and all of us to the truth.

I love you with all the breath that I take and every being that I am.

Teze

Nick, Cord wrote a song for you... and on the day of your party/the benefit for your foundation he sang it to us...