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Teze I Love you nicnic September 16, 2016
 
I cant believe there are days that I feel you & the other days reminder your not here where I can hug you & kiss your handsome face.This picture I saw & the words hit me like a bulldozer; Nicnic I miss you so much. (kiss my little girl Jenet please she comes to mind a lot tell her mommy loves her I will ho;d her again)

How time passes so fast & yet it feels like yesterday, words & pain is like dust in the wind no one sees, hears or feels your loss & pain. Sometime I think its better that way or maybe God intended  it to be this way I have no idea but SILENCE is also devistating to the heart & soul. I find my self Nicnic in so much SILENCE I actually can hear my heart beat maybe its because I dont share my greif of loss with anyone except my pillows. I believe its better this way I dont burden my thoughts & feelings on anyone.CryCryCry

Cry
I cried two days ago missing Harry's hugs CryCryCry& you Nicnic have the same hugs I became hysrerical & it made me more alone. Tell Harry I need his hugs sometimes so I can feel less heavy. Harry hugs always lifted any burden that sat on my mind, shoulder, heart & soul even physically I use to feel heavy burden & Harry hugged me I always felt like I was floating.

I will visit so again ask God to just give me my strength back so I can get back on my feet...thanks!

Teze loves you so  much hugs & kisses from me also give Jenet Harry Farije Bute all my love I miss them so much!
Mama Dukes Happy Anniversary February 1, 2016
 

Its seem like its a thousand years and yet its only seven. Seven years, I couldnt stay without you for a moment, even when I let you go with papa to florida.. I hopped on that plane and met you there. A thousand years my love....
I couldnt sleep without seeing your eyes, your face, and kissing you goodnight.
I couldnt breathe at the thought of you being an hour away and now I am here a thousand years without you.
My spirit has weakened, my body has aged,without you here with me. I know you are present because I feel you and you leave me amazing signs... I just NEEEEED to kiss you and see your eyes.... I need to hold you and smell you, I need to hear you call my name. If only once, I promise it will carry me for another thousand years.

I love you with my life, you are the heart of my heart, the blood that runs through me. You are my soul, my serenity and my sanity always.

Ashlee <3 January 30, 2016
 
Hey Nick,

I miss you, a lot. I wish you were here physically to share the last seven years with me, the ups, the downs, the in betweens. I wish you were at my wedding, dancing, eating, celebrating. I know that you're here still. I know even though I can't hug you, that you are here. I don't think you would've missed my wedding, or anyday. I know you have a lot of people to visit, and maybe thats why I haven't seen you in my dreams for so long, but I dont think you're gone. Because even when you were with us, and I needed you in impossible times, you made it to me. You have always been an angel in the form of my best friend. 

Years could pass and pass, but I could never forget you. You were so unique. If there was no you, for younger me, I have no doubt that I would'nt be where I am. While other kids were getting in trouble, you kept tabs and made sure I was never part it. You literally would carry me home on your shoulder if you thought I should'nt be somewhere. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that.

If I was sad we ate cookies. I cried and you never made fun of me for it. I am blessed to have been blessed with you. You put up with my tantrums. Goodness I was a brat at times, and you brushed it off. Nothing effected our friendship. 

I will never forget the time you sat with me sleeping on the swinging bench in my yard, and refused to move because you'd wake me up. You are beautiful. And I know that you sent me my husband, because blessings come from blessings. Thank you for being in my life, making memories with me, keeping me safe, even when you drove me crazy, I could'nt have asked for a better friend.

I love you Nick. Una due tu shum. 
Teze I still can't believe its Seven Years January 30, 2016
 
My Nicnic today it will be seven years since you left.CryCryCryCryCryCryCryMy heart still broken I still feel like I am in a nightmare waiting to wake so I can say it's just a dream; because I still feel you here! I still have not accepted you leaving...I love you so much it hurts the very thought of you not being here. I maybe in denial but I still feel you here. Theres not moments or days that I don't feel you here, sometimes I feel you will knock on the door & call to me "Teze I need to talk to you" or when you come with mommy & I jump to smack your neck or when Mikey bothers you; " you call Teze please tell him to stop"! I will never accept you gone I still feel you here!

Teze loves you so much!

Mommy Without you I can not be December 14, 2015
 



My Booboo,

I want you to know that this is so damn hard. I am tired my love. I sometimes wish that it will end. It is so much, the pain has cut too deep and I dont see how it will ever go away in this lifetime. The days have become years, the years have become forever. All I do know is that I NEED YOU HERE WITH ME. I need to smell you, I need to hear you, I need to see you and I need to hold you. I need to hear you call my name. I just need to hear your breath. I need to feel you and I just need to touch your face. I need to tell you face to face how much you mean to me. I dont think I can write it. I dont know that there are words that can express it. I just know that If we were face to face you would see it through my eyes. I know you would know because we  are one.

I miss your voice and yet I am scared to listen to it. I used to call your cell phone but now I fear hearing it because I fear it will make me see that you are not here with me. I want to so badly go into your room and lay on your bed and smell your clothes but I am scared that too, will make me see that you are not here with me. So, I dont, to do so is to say good bye. I will never say goodbye. 

So, I rely on you to move heaven to be with me. I NEED YOU more than I need AIR. I need you around me always. I need you to always talk to me, to guide me and hold me. I need to smell you and I need you to sleep with me every night. I am soo needy and you will always be my need. I know that I ask you for soo much my love, I try not to because I truly do want you to enjoy the peace and love of heaven. I just cant do this without you, so, for now, just hold me and carry me through this. I promise when I come home I will make it up to you.

My Soul, Serenity and Sanity, my 4 Ever love, Mommy will always be proud of you and love you.
In the meantime, Merry Christmas In heaven. Dont Forget Xmas Here as well. Hope you like the Snow Man. haha!~


Teze Happy Thanksgiving Nicnic 11/26/2015 November 26, 2015
 
Nicnic Happy Thanksgiving I miss you so much, days or seconds dont go by without you in thought.Innocent many times I come across seeing someone that walks like you even looks like you I tend to follow and its not you. I come to question was it you, did I dream it or was my eyes playing tricks. Either way I know its you and I feel you are telling me near by. there are times I just want to hug the person I follow that looks like you just to feel your hug because I feel you working through someone else to let me know you see me and your looking out for me; Do I dare to hug the next person, let me know?Cry Nicnic years has passed and I still believe I will wake up from this bad dream because I dont feel you gone I feel you here with us. A week before my 1st back surgery I dreamnt of you holding my hand & which I believe it was God was removing my stitches from my knee and I felt your hands on mine & Gods hands on my knee. Tell God thank you for being there for me & thank you Nicnic for being there too. I dreamnt during the knee surgery Ajdar holding as a baby that when I woke up I was mad wanted to still be in that dream & mommy & Lisa pick me up. I miss you & love you so much that the pain never goes away where my eyes, arms & lips dont get to kiss, hug & see you.CryCryCry
I want you to have a great Thanksgivving with everyone Harry Farije Bute even my little girl Xhenet..let my daughter know I love her sooo much & watch out for her Nicnic I never got to hold her in my armsCry!! I love you all and miss you so terribly but one day we will sit at a thanksgiving dinner table together again I will cook.

I LOVE YOU NICNIC FOR ETERNITY HUGS & KISSES!
WOW DIDN'T KNOW YOU... BUT I KNOW YOU ARE LOVED August 10, 2015
 
To the friends and family of Nic Nic,
My God ease your pain... especially Mom.  I will remember you in my everyday prayers, as I can hear and feel your pain.  I don't know you but wonder if anyone really knows what you are going through every day.  Nic looks like the kind of kid that would want his mom to live her life to the fullest.  God has blessed you with another child - cherish her, teach her the love that you have experienced with Nic and give her the love that his existence signified to so many.   Nic would have wanted you to only cry in happiness... and live you life... not in grief but just in thankfulness that you and he had experienced each other in this lifetime.  God bless you... I don't even know how i came across this page - but God knows. He has his ways.  Nic would have wanted you to be HAPPY. 
teze NICNIC HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY April 20, 2015
 
NICNIC HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY MAY YOUR PARTY BE THE BIGGEST HEAVEN HAS EVER SEEN. I WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH US ESPECIALLY WITH MOMMY, DADDY, MIKEY & BINACry. I MISS YOUR EYES, YOUR LAUGH, YOUR QUIRKINESS; I MISS YOUR WALK THOSE HANDS THAT LOOK LIKE A SLEDGE HAMMER. I MISS WHEN YOU TELL YOUR STORIES, I MISS YOUR VOICE AND IF THERE WAS A ROAD THAT I CAN COME AND SEE YOU I WOULD TAKE IT. ONE THING YOUR RIGHT ABOUT NICNIC AND THATS THE THE TATTOO YOU HAVE ON YOUR CHEST "LOVE IS PAIN"CryCry. I MISS WHEN YOU MOONED ME USUALLY HALF A MOON, MIKEY FULL BUTT LMAS, I FIND IT AMUSING HOW MIKEY HAS SOME OF YOUR TRAITS. NICNIC NO ONE CAN BE YOU, YOU HAD A WAY WHEN YOU WALKED IN FOR SOME REASON THE ROOM LIGHTS UP, YOU HAVE HAD THIS SINCE YOU WERE A BABY. YOU MANAGED TO STEAL MY HEART AND SOUL AS IF YOU WERE MY SON INSTEAD OF MY SISTER'S. I WOULD TELL YOUR MOM; "I LOVE HIM LIKE I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM". NICNIC I LOVE YOU NO DIFFERENT THAN I LOVE AJDAR, I MISS YOU SO MUCH. THERE ARE DAYS THAT I FEEL YOUR STILL HERE AND REALITY HITS FOR IT TOBREAK MY HEART AGAIN.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICNIC MAY YOU HAVE A BLAST WITH HARRY, FARIJE, BUTE, MARRYANNE, MY LITTLE GIRL XHENET AND ALL THOSE I FORGOT TO MENTION.

I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH...TEZE!
Mommy Happy 23rd Birthday~ April 20, 2015
 
Happy Birthday My Love

23 Years Ago April 21, 1992, on a Tuesday afternoon at 5:14pm My Life, My World and My First Baby ( My soul ) was born. My booboo, I hope that you know that because of you I am who I am... You made me a mom. You showed me what true unconditional love was. You showed me that life was a wonder and a journey. You showed me how to smile & laugh and truly feel it. You showed me responsibility. You showed me how to endure & fight through all of life's obstacles. MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU SHOWED ME THAT LIFE HAS NO END AND THAT LOVE IS THE ONLY THING THAT LASTS FOREVER.

You & Jesus are the sole reason why I can persevere and breathe through this thing called life. When I think about your eyes, your voice and all of our memories... I embrace my dream that one day soon I will be with you face to face, flesh to flesh, heart to heart, this time forever.

TOMORROW AT 5:14PM, I WILL WISH YOU A HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY...I WILL THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME AS YOU DO. I WILL TELL YOU HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU AND I WILL CALL OUT YOUR NAME AND ASK THAT YOU COME AND HOLD ME, KISS ME, CAUSE MY LOVE I NEED YOU HERE WITH ME EVERY WAKING MOMENT.

PLEASE DONT GROW WITHOUT ME. FREEZE TIME MY LOVE DONT WANT TO MISS A THING~


Mommy God Blessed Me with You February 8, 2015
 

Booboo,

I dedicate this song to you because God Blessed Me With You!

There are no words that can truly describe my love for you and How I feel....

For Now, I hope you truly know... Without you I can't be~

Your Best Friend, Your Mama Dukes,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJm51jsRoo0&list=RDdJm51jsRoo0#t=4

 

 

Total Memories: 241
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