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Hana Xhudo From Mommy with her Soul December 28, 2017
I wrote you a long letter but the computer made it disappear. I hope it was you that received it. I miss you my love~
appy New Year
Teze Merry Christmas December 25, 2017

I fight my tears when I smell you, or when you leave me feathers. There are many times I get a glimpse of you & want to chase you then you disappear.
When I see you at times your at my grasp I reach you & you leave. I want so much for you to stay that glimpse or you just walking by I just wish you can stay.

The love & pain hasn’t changed since the day you left, I just hide it & grieve in silence.

Nicnic on this blessed day Enjoy Christmas with Jesus & all of those we love that are with you.

love you always Teze 

Teze Happy Thanksgiving November 23, 2017
Nicnic  happy Thanksgiving bud, Teze so sorry I haven’t been here. I always think about you, my eyes, arms, heart, & soul yearn just to have you here with us. I miss kissing your face, hearing your corky laughter, your ways of making us laugh I miss all that. I miss our private talks which by now you know I told your mom. I my private moments I Cry about what could of been It tears me up inside.

Nicnic go have fun on this Thanksgiving day with everyone my baby Genet,Harry, Farije & Bute. Please hug them all and tell them I love them so much especially my baby. (My baby I wish I had seen your face before you left, all I see is your curly dark hair in my dreams mommy loves you)

Nicnic Teze ❤️ loves you sooooo much, happy Thanksgiving kiddo!

Teze Happy Birthday Nicnic April 20, 2017
Nicnic Happy Birthday tomorrow have a beautiful joyful birthday with everyone in heaven. Teze sorry not been myself lately my body falling apart dont have much control whats happening to it but it is what it is. I miss you so much I always think of you no matter what I am doing. I grab your pillow at times when I need to hug you, and at times I look for a hug & your there.  I love you kid so much I miss you terribly.Cry

Go Enjoy your Birthday Tomorrow throw some heaven dust our way I love you...Teze
angelina my sunshine February 17, 2017
i want to see you when i am sleeping and then see you when i am awake. i will se you when i am awake becus you are my sunshine. i will see you when you are my baby too.
i love you
Teze New Years Eve 12/31/2016 December 31, 2016
Nicnic Happy New Years bud, also let Jenet Harry Farije Bute & everyone we know and love I said Happy New years 2017! I can't believe another year has come & gone and your handsome face I don't get to see kiss or hug. I miss you Nicnic so much ❤️❤️❤️ My heart aches my soul burns just to hug you. I picked this picture because I look at it alot, & I made your mom so mad at me for not letting her sleep with you. It was amazing how you never cried when you were hungry or when you pooped or anything just made small noises.

Lately Nicnic I have you & Jenet always on my mind asking if you know each other, if you hang with each other. If you know what Jenet looks like, would she know who you are. Does she know Harry Farije Bute. Will she know me if she saw me? Nicnic, Jenet has been in thought a lot I hope she is in your care & your looking out for her as she is looking out for you. I Miss you Nicnic so much that you and Jenet have left footprints on my heart & soul.Cry

My Love,
I guess I dont have to tell you much of where I have been or what I have been doing or going through, because I know you have been with me and are going through it with me. I know this my love, Yet It is still hard.
I ask that you be here with me every step of the way, literally until I reach that gate where you can then hold my hand and walk me through. While I believe in the glory of heaven, the peace, the pure love and wonders of all things beautiful, I still wonder and still yearn for you to be here.

I imagine that we are in sync with heaven and that the difference between us and you is a split second of time ( a heart beat away) a dimension of time equal to a mirror image effect with the one side being the dark and the other being the light. All things the same except the individual souls and their experiences.. One the one side of the mirror there are tears and struggles, the other side smiles and achievements. On the one side illness and pain. The other side pure well being and agility. On the one side, Loss of love & Loniliness, the other side, unconditional love and togetherness and so on.

I hope that you have  worked the wonders of heaven to your advantage and joy. I hope you are living your spiritual life to thefullest with a little bit of good mischief for fun. I hope you have not grown or have changed much since I last saw your beautiful face. I hope that there is dancing and that you are doing much of it. I hope there is dating and that you are doing much of that too. Dont forget what mama has always said.. " No Sh......" , hahahaha... Take that for fun and games. 
God/Jesus I beleive has a wonderful sense of Humor . I believe he has a wonderful one in store for me. I wait for the greatest of all. I imagine the " Tree" and laugh. I hope I dont face that. 

I often imagine the pure love, joy and bliss you have embraced and I cry because I believe it to be true however I ache to physically see you, just so that I can just hold you. I need to feel you kiss my face and your arms holding me. I NEED to Hear you call my name. I need you my love. I am needy and will be even more so soon. I dont know how I am going to make it through without you so please please hold my hand and NEVER NEVER NEVER let it go. YOu know the Drill...............

I will try to remain simple for you but please forgive me if I lose my way. Please ask My Jesus to Carry me and guide me to remain on his graces and to always hold my hand as well. I can not do this....
I love you my forever love.

Love you always
Your mamadukes.

Teze Merry Christmas Dec 25 2016 December 25, 2016
Merry Christmas Nicnic I wish I can kiss that face that I love & miss so much. Cry My heart and soul aches to see you, my arms burn to hug you, my eyes are blined without sight of you, my lips dry without kisses on your face; I miss you kiddo so much seconds dont go by without you in thought.

Please let Harry, Farije, Jenet(my baby), Bute & everyone we know I said Merry Christmas I love them so much & miss them too, especially my baby Jenet.

Nicnic I want you to have the best Christmas with Jesus & Mother Mary & everyone else that loves you. I just wish you were here instead, it may sound selfish but thats how I feel.CryCryCry

Merry Christmas bud...Teze Loves You Soooooooo Much!
Teze Nove 24 2016 Happy Thanksgiving November 24, 2016
Nicnic Happy Thanksgiving bud, you are so missed & there are days I ask when will I wake up to see that is was just a bad dream. There are days I see you just passing by or I smell you. Those are the days that makes me ache that reality smacks you in the face like sledge hammer. CryCryCry I wish I can find a road that leads you back to us. Is there a road that only God knows & we dont see, are we blind to what we need to see or are we just in limbo?

I always vision your graduation day, your goofing around, laughing that I miss so much, your special hugs that felt like Harry was hugging. The vision that breaks me into trillions of pieces is your wedding & you becoming a dad Cry; I am a total mess when I see these things & a song plays that I downloaded its a dance song but the words I know it fits who you are (Forever).


Teze I Love you nicnic September 16, 2016
I cant believe there are days that I feel you & the other days reminder your not here where I can hug you & kiss your handsome face.This picture I saw & the words hit me like a bulldozer; Nicnic I miss you so much. (kiss my little girl Jenet please she comes to mind a lot tell her mommy loves her I will ho;d her again)

How time passes so fast & yet it feels like yesterday, words & pain is like dust in the wind no one sees, hears or feels your loss & pain. Sometime I think its better that way or maybe God intended  it to be this way I have no idea but SILENCE is also devistating to the heart & soul. I find my self Nicnic in so much SILENCE I actually can hear my heart beat maybe its because I dont share my greif of loss with anyone except my pillows. I believe its better this way I dont burden my thoughts & feelings on anyone.CryCryCry

I cried two days ago missing Harry's hugs CryCryCry& you Nicnic have the same hugs I became hysrerical & it made me more alone. Tell Harry I need his hugs sometimes so I can feel less heavy. Harry hugs always lifted any burden that sat on my mind, shoulder, heart & soul even physically I use to feel heavy burden & Harry hugged me I always felt like I was floating.

I will visit so again ask God to just give me my strength back so I can get back on my feet...thanks!

Teze loves you so  much hugs & kisses from me also give Jenet Harry Farije Bute all my love I miss them so much!
Total Memories: 250
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