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Mommy Missing you~ January 29, 2015
 
NicNic,

Today my entire being was out of sorts. I was angry, tight, short of breath, so out of my sorts... I couldnt make sense of much... then I looked down at the computer time and saw the date... and it came crashing down on me....... Today I am angry.. I am truly angry! I am so angry I want to scream.. Why cant I just hold you for a few moments?

Flashbacks today.. mostly of you when you were my little baby... It came to me as though you were laying on my bed in the sweat suit I put on you with your Nike Sneakers.. I saw you so clearly in my mind today... At the same time the wrenching pain in my soul occured.  I miss you soooo damn much... How much more? My love, I dont know if you truly know that I can not do this life if I do not feel you around me. I NEED to know you are always with me. Day one again...

Nicnic, I dont know if you know how long its really been for me. It feels like an eternity since that day..... I dont know if there are words to describe how much I miss you.....

Leave it up to your baby sis to know....

I need you with me always... PLEASE~
Send me some flowers...

I love you with every molecule in my body. YOu are my life and 4 Ever Love.
Mommy MY Soul is with you at Christmas December 25, 2014
 
Merry Christmas My Love.

I dont know a moment of my life that I did not have you by my side, even when you were'nt born.. You were still there. I dont know a moment that you have ever left me. I dont want to know that moment. MY LOVE, always stay with me, because without you I cant do this life.

Today I asked for something and you delivered... When you said, " When you had me, God blessed you, but god blessed me with you Mom" you didnt know that soon after that you would be leaving me in this world... but you also didnt know that you would carry me with those words.

Thank you for being my son, for making me a mom, for making me who I am. But most importantly, thank you for not giving up on your promise to me that you will always be with me. Thank you for answering me and never letting me down. I know I make you work really hard... I am sorry but as you know I am needy and you are the only one that can fill the need. I ache my boo... and you will always be the one that I ache for. I am not sure what it takes to do what you do... what I can promise you with my soul is that when I come home, I will make it up to you for the balance of eternity. For now, please stay with me.... hold my hand and my heart until then.

I dont know what I have done to deserve you, your love, your friendship and your loyalty. Whatever it was I am greatful to God for you... MY Forever love... YOU ARE ME, I AM YOU~ always as ONE.

Till that beautiful day that I meet you at the gate of LOVE know that you will forever be my love, my life, my everything. Because of you I am...

Teze Happy Thanksgiving November 26, 2014
 
                                  Nicnic Happy Thanksgiving kiddo, It hurts so much that time goes by and I dont get to hug, kiss, or hear you voice I love you so much Cry. I always hear I have to be strong, but I have to tell you Nicnic I am not as strong as I appear. Tears on my pillow, on my shirt or robe are silent cries that I scream into the night that no one hears. I look to GOD to get a glims of you and sometimes I do but not as often as I would like.

(Nicnic please kiss my baby girl Xhenet she has been coming to thought alot this year,
let her know I am sorry I was not able to hear her first cry, or see her face but
I love her so muchCryCry. I felt you Xhenet last week go through my body, my soul was shaking, I am sorry I never had the chance to hold and kiss your face mommy loves youCryCryCry!)

Nicnic please ask GOD to keep everyone safe & Healthy especially mommy, I need her here for Mikey & Angelina.

So Nicnic Happy thanksgiving bud, kiss Xhenet, Harry, Farije & Bute for me and most of all I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!
Teze HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY NICNIC APRIL 21, 2014 April 21, 2014
 
HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY NICNIC, I WISH YOU WERE HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU AND NOT LET YOU GO!Cry IN MANY WAYS YOU HAVE BEEN AN ANCHOR TO US AND I ALWAYS SAID TO YOUR MOM THAT THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOU SINCE YOU WERE A BABY. YOU HAVE THIS ORA OR HALLO THAT IS AROUND YOU. I ALSO SAID TO YOUR MOM THAT YOU ARE MY SON FROM ANOTHER MOTHER AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE, IT FELT AS IF I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU.
I MISS TO HEAR YOUR LAUGH, SEE YOU SMILE, FEEL YOUR HUGS AND LOOK INTO THOSE EYES.
SO YOU HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY AND SHOW EVERYONE WHAT A BIRTHDAY PARTY IS LIKE; I BET ALOT OF FIRE WORKS ARE GOING TO BE THROWN.

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY BUD LOVE YOU AND ACHE FOR YOU...TEZE!
Teze Happy New Year Nicnic December 30, 2013
 
Nicnic Happy New Year bud! its been so long since I laid eyes on you feels like forever. The time seems to stand still no metter how mch time passes.CryCry I long to hug you and kiss your face, I long to hear your laughter and whisper in my ear, I long to see you run up nena's stairs and call me Tez, I long for you period!!

So on this 2014 have a wonderful New Year with Harry, Farije, Bute, Grandpa, Maryanne, Don, Lefter, Nana, Fati & Jaji I know they are all looking out for you and watching over you and protecting you. Show them what New Years is all about. CryCry

My eyes tear every single day because there are things that I see remind me of you or I hear a song, or I see someone walk it reminds me what would have been!! That alone rips my heart out and tears my soul.
Nicnic theres nothing in this world that cannot tell me that I don't feel you as if your my kid; the love is just as strong as I love Ajdar. I just wish GOD could of granted me that day I would of taken your place and you and Ajdar could of had the chance to go to Nijitsu. Ajdar mentions that everytime we speak about you. How I hear your voice when you called me asking when he will be home it repeats in my head so much! I ache for you my boy in the mirror. But for the meantime have a wonderful New Year kiss everyone for me and one day soon we will hang again and I will not let you go! We can bother everyone then together LOL!!

Love you so much hugs and kisses forever!! Teze
PS I have a little girl that left me years ago I named her Xhenet watch out for her ok!
Mommy Merry Xmas My Forever Love~ December 26, 2013
 

I don’t know of a moment that I have lived that you did not live with me.

I don’t know of a moment that I have cried that you did not cry with me.

I have called you and you came.

I have reached out to you and you were there.

I have shared my worries and you have taken them away.

I have encountered and you came and conquered.

I have written you letters and you responded.

I had many questions and you answered them

I have asked for guidance and you guided.

I have fallen and you came to pick me up

I was lost and you showed me the way

I had let go and you held on tight

I was in darkness and you became my light.

I searched for the end of life and you showed me that life doesn’t end.

My forever love, you have taught me everything that I am today. You had always promised me that you carry me with you wherever you go. MY Love you have held to your promise. I am selfish when it comes to you, so, I will ask that you continue to carry me. I wouldn’t be able to do this life without your promise and love.

I am soooo Grateful to Jesus my love, for giving me such a blessing. You were right when you said “ when you had me god blessed you, But god blessed me with you”.  I love you with my soul, my entire being. I will always be proud ~ MERRY CHRISTMAS… Stay shining and promise me that you will be there waiting for me, promise me that we will dance and that we will NEVER part from each other again. A moment without you is an eternity with Pain.

YOU ARE ME AND I AM YOU~

 

 

Veneta An unforgettable memory December 19, 2013
 
Hi Nic Nic...I am your cousin Veneta.. we never met physically, you know we have an unforgettable memory at your house, and  this is the day when i first came in your home. November 2013...Teze Hana always talked about you,and i can't stop my tears from falling. I wanted so much to see you, to talk with you, so when i first came in your house to take care of your sister Angelina, i saw your pictures, and i cried, but this time those tears were not tears of sadness. I was happy because i met you, i felt your presence. You were there, I was happy to see your pictures. I will never forget that day,and that feeling which i can not explain. But you know, some feelings are not to be explained. Your mother, and everybody who knows you, are proud of you. Im proud of you too, and i am so happy that destiny bring me here.

I love you Nic Nic..I really do!
Teze Merry Christmas Nicnic 2013 December 10, 2013
 
Nicnic Merry Christmas miss you so much you have no idea. Theres not a split second that your not on my mind. I just wonder where you go, who you visit, who you bother. I wish you were here with us, it really hurts that your not here. My heart is always in its own sorrow of missing you. My soul greives everyday that goes by that my eyes don't see you, or touch you. Tears flow like endless waterfall in silence no one heres me or do I share except with you and God. Cry
I keep believeing that its just a dream so when I do wake up I will get to see you and hug you.

Tell Harry, Farije, Bute, Don, Maryann, Grandpa, and everyone else that we all know & love I said Merry Christmas, please give Harry a huge hug because I miss our talks and his hugs that I need when I feel so alone with my thoughts and feelings.Cry

Nicnic theres not enough words that can express on how I feel missing you; all I know that my soul, and heart shakes and it feels like I don't feel the ground beneath feet.
I haven't felt grounded since you left and I hope one day I wake up and realize its was just a dream.

For now in this dream I am writing to you to tell you I love you so much with a huge bear hug from me to you....love always Teze!
Teze Happy Thanksgiving Nicnic teze Loves You! November 27, 2013
 
Nicnic Happy Thanksgiving show Heaven the Nicnic way of having Thanksgiving.
Also, tell Harry, Farije, Bute, Nandia, Maryanne, Don, Grandpa, Medi, Stephen, Lefter, Nana & Jaji Happy Thanksgiving for me.

Nicnic there are days that I search in my heart, soul and dreams to find a way to bring you home to us. I look up to the heavens hoping I can see you so I can reach up to  you and bring you home. I know you come by at times, I smell you in the passing, or sometimes in my dreams; but how much I look to grab you when I feel you near me to keep you here with us. There are times I see a blurr and I wish it was a secret passage to walk through where you are just grab you and bring you back to us. I wonder sometimes in these thoughts just so I can feel you, hear your laugh that is so contagious and my GOD your sister is sounding like you so much and Mikey everyday is looking more like you. Even though no one can be my Nicnic Bina is Bina and Mikey is Mikey but my Nicnic is one of a kind. I miss you so much I wish and pray to see and feel you here with us.

I know you passing by or kiss my face or come in my dreams is GOD's only way to hear, see and feel you. But for some reason I feel there is a passage here on earth that we don't see that we can walk through and see, feel and hear you!

I miss looking into your eyes when your telling me a story or how your feeling at that moment miss that so much. Time passes and it feels like its standing still but yet too much time has gone by not actually feeling your arms hugging me back, or your whisper in my ear, or your laugh louder than life, or joking with mommy and daddy or compalining Mikey is getting on your nerves. I miss your voice so much Nicnic I miss you calling me Tez.

One day soon I will see you again and when I do I am not letting you go and we can go and hang by Ajdar, mommy, daddy, Mikey & Bina and make sure we protect them, and sometimes send them some jokes so they know its us LOL.

I Love you, Miss you so much Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with everyone that we all know and love...Teze
Mommy MY JESUS June 27, 2013
 
My Jesus,

I reflect on every single cell of life and its happenings now. I see what I could have never imagined seeing. I hear what I sometimes rule out as unrealistic...I smell the gifts that often come by as a token of love.. I feel what not many have been born to feel..

I have fallen and you have lifted me up... You have given me the ability to reflect, see, hear, smell and feel even after falling to a place that no other should bear.

You held me up and carried me through the darkest of the darkest place and you remain to be the sole force that keeps me standing.

You have held my hand through all of my trials., you did so even when my heart was filled with the most darkest thoughts. You have held me in your arms (as heavy as I am) and nurtured me back to a place where I can learn the lessons of this life with a smile on my face even though the lessons came with the pain so deep within my heart.

I have cried to you and you have washed away my tears.
I was on the path of darkness and you lit up that path to the light of your love.
I thought of only persecution and you taught me redemption.
I remained steadfast towards destruction and YOU remained steadfast as my savior and very best friend. 

MY Jesus, I can not thank you enough for your undivided, unequivocal friendship and love.  
You have answered me in ways that others couldnt imagine.

My Jesus, I am needy and the foremost need I have is you., Please hold my hand through all of life's paths and never let go even when I appear to go astray. You are my driving force, because of you " I am"..

With the deepest love
Me~
Total Memories: 241
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