NICNIC HAPPY JULY 4TH I WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH US I MISS YOU VERY MUCH BUT I AM PRETTY SURE YOU ARE HAVING A GREAT TIME SHOWING A WONDERFUL TIME WITH EVERYONE WE KNOW AND LOVE. MY EYES ACHE EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY THAT I DO NOT SEE YOUR FACE AND THOSE EYES THAT LOOK BACK AT ME BUT ONE DAY SOON THEY WILL AND I WON'T LET YOU OUT MY SIGHT ONCE I GET THERE. AJDAR MISS YOU ALOT AND I KNOW YOU HUGGED HIM LAST WEEK HE FELT IT. YOU HAVE THIS GREAT LOVE YOU INSTILLED IN EVERYONE AND THAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL IN ALL THOSE THAT KNOW AND LOVE YOU.

I JUST WANT YOU TO ENJOY JULY 4TH WITH EVERYONE AND KISS EVERYONE FOR ME TOO MISS YOU SO DAMN MUCH...LOVE YOU ALWAYS HUGS AND KISS TEZE!!

I have a Dream that one day I will close my eyes to this life and open them to the next life where I will first meet My Jesus face to face. Where I will hold him and embrace. Where I will tell him how Much I love him as I kiss his Face. Where My Jesus will take my hand and hold it to his heart, telling me that you and I will never part.
I have a dream my love, that soon after I lay down this life, I will be with you sharing an everlasting life. I will be able to dance again with you by my side. I will smile and feel the sensation of laughter in my heart. I will be able to kiss your beautiful face. I will be able to touch you and hug you and hear you call me mommy again. I will hear you say " I love you mommy"... I have a dream that one day I will be whole again and this wrenching everlasting pain will subside with the wind of your hand touching my face. I will be able to catch up and plan our everlasting life together, where no one will be able to take that from me again. I have a dream my love, that one day I will close my eyes to this life and open them to be with my best friend, my soul, serenity and sanity again forever more.
I hold onto my dream my love... because I need to in order to do this life without you. Its a thousand years my love..... my body aches in pain everyday without you. What is a mother in this world if she cant be with her children.... Its a broken one! Chattered!
I have a dream that one day I will awaken in the arms of my boy who made me a mom, who gave me reason, who brightened my soul with the light of his heart and love, who was there for me as my son and my best friend.... MY love you gave me reason, you gave me hope. Because of you, I am!
I have a dream that one day soon you and me will be dancing on the moon....I will hold onto you and my dream and look forward to the day that I embrace you at heavens gate!

 Light of my soul...
I have lost my way booboo. I try so hard to make sense of life now. I guess you know there is no making sense of it anymore. Where is it? I dont know what to do or where to go to find the peace within my heart and soul. I try so hard to find whatever peace I can... I just cant! I do not have an ounce of doubt that I will see, hold and kiss you again. I just cant wait! As much as I want to just come home... I know that doing so will leave me broken without my angel mikey and my little Wonder Angie. Its just so broken. I hurt boo... the pain doesnt go away... it beats on me endlessly.
I hold onto a dream and thats all I have to put me into perspective with this broken life. Please, Please Lord let this dream be real.

NICNIC YOU'RE BIRTHDAY ITS ALMOST HERE AND I KNOW YOU PROBABLY HAVE A PARTY ALL SET UP IN HEAVEN JUST TO DANCE YOUR BUTT OFF LOL; EITHER WAY I AM MISSING ALL YOUR BIRTHDAYS AND WILL NOT SEE YOU BLOW OUT YOUR CANDLES, BUT WHEN YOU DO SEND US SPARKS OF THE CANDLES YOU BLOW OUT ON SATURDAY SO WE ALL CAN SEE IT. ITS NOT THE SAME BUD YOU'RE NOT BEING HERE MAKES ME NUTS AND LOOSE MY MIND, BUT ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY WITH EVERYONE HARRY, FARIJE, BUTE, GRANDPA, MARYANN, LEFTER AND EVERYONE WE ALL KNOW PARTY YOUR BUTT OFF, OH ONE MORE THING SEND MOM & DAD A HUGE KISS ON THEIR NECKS OK. I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH ONE DAY SOON WE WILL HANG AGAIN UNTIL THEN I AM SENDING YOU A BIRTHDAY PICTURE I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. 

I WISH I HAD A WAY TO SEND YOU A REAL CAKE OR BRING YOU HOME! LOVE YOU ALWAYS TEZE!

MY BOOBOO, IS THERE A WORD ON THIS EARTH TO DESCRIBE THE PAIN IN MY HEART AND SOUL. CAN ANYONE PUT THE WORDS TOGETHER TO COME CLOSE TO THE SURFACE OF THIS PAIN. BOOBOO, THIS LIFE IS BROKEN. NO MATTER WHAT I DO AND WHERE I GO., ITS JUST BROKEN. IT CANT BE FIXED. NOTHING CAN FIX IT EXCEPT YOU BEING HERE WITH ME.

I AM BLESSED WITH MIKEY AND ANGELINA... BUT IM NOT WHOLE. MY SOUL IS BROKEN BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ALL OF MY CHILDREN HERE WITH ME. I PRAY OFTEN FOR JESUS TO TAKE ME HOME.... HOME!!!! WHERE IS IT.
I WANT TO BE HOME WITH YOU... THEN MY HEART AND SOUL ACHES FOR MIKEY AND ANGELINA.. NO MATTER HOW IT HAPPENS MY LOVE.. THIS LIFE IS BROKEN. I TRY TO FIX IT... I REALLY DO. THERE'S NO FIXING IT. 
 
I WISH I CAN JUST COME TO YOU THIS MOMENT. YOU KNOW MY SOUL MY LOVE... I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO GO HOME. BUT, I ALSO KNOW THAT HOME IS NOT ANYWHERE UNLESS IM WITH ALL OF MY CHILDREN. CHANCES ARE I WILL BE CASTED OUT OF HEAVEN BECAUSE OF THE SIGHING I WILL DO THERE TOO. WHERE DO I GO TO FIND SIMPLICITY AND PEACE FROM THIS NEVER ENDING PAIN AND SORROW.

I MISS YOU SOOO DAMN MUCH IT ACHES THE CORE OF MY SOUL. THREE THOUSAND YEARS SINCE THE LAST TIME I HEARD YOU CALL ME MOMMY... FELT YOUR HUG, YOUR KISSES ON MY NECK.. HEARD YOUR LAUGH... JUST YOUR SWEET VOICE...
MY BOOBOO....IVE LOST A LIFETIME OF PLANS WITH YOU. I WILL NEVER BE A GRANDMOTHER TO YOUR BABIES...

 THERE IS NO PAIN THICKER AND DEEPER... MY PAIN,, IF RELEASED WILL SHATTER THIS WORLD... OR THE WORLD OF SOME! MY LOVE, MAKE THINGS HAPPEN... IF I RELEASE MY PAIN, MANY WILL WISH THEY KILLED THEMSELVES FIRST!

I AM FOREVER BROKEN.... I LOVE YOU MY LOVE... ONE DAY SOON TOGETHER ON THE MOON... SINGING AND DANCING TO OUT FAVORITE TUNES...... MY SOUL, SERENITY AND SANITY! LOVE YOU FOREVER AT SOUL! 

Nicnic Merry Christmas tomorrow bud hugs and kisses long to give you and see your eyes staring back at me and laugh that I miss so much I know your busy doing things I wish you were here with us instead I know it sounds selfish but when comes to this yeah I am if that is bad for me to feel this way then I am selfish I just want you here bud, either way I know you have to go do what you have to do. I will one day soon see you again and when I do I am not letting you go. Today mom, dad, Mikey & Bina will be over as you know come by when you get a chance ok. Give harry farije bute maryann grandpa & don and everyone we know a hug & kiss for me tell them Merry Christmas that I love and miss them.

Love you in ways words cannot discribe all I can say is my love is the same for you as I have for Ajdar no different I always told your  mom I felt as I gave birth to you this connection we always have and always will for eternity until the day we meet again go have your Christmas and just come by for a little bit ok Love you Teze!

My Love, My life , My everything...... Where do I begin... there is no beginning and no end... Too much to express, to much!
I will start out by telling you that there isnt a day, a moment, a second that I do not think about you. I Think about your smile, your eyes, your voice, the very breath of your voice when you called out my name. I miss every waking moment with you. I miss every moment I didnt get to share with you. I miss YOU! I miss my best friend booboo.... Where do I go, what road can I travel to see your face. To hug you and hear your voice calling my name or just calling me WOMAN! I need to hear you laugh... your crazy long stories that bore no end!
I wish there was a place where we can meet if only for a little while just to catch up on our stories. Our plans! We still have them, wont let them go! One day soon, dancing on the moon!

I am soooo proud of you and will be forever. You were and will always be my shining star... my buddy, my life, the air that I breathe. Because of you and my need to be where you are, I breathe today.
I wish I could be there with you even if for a little while. I know boo, you would want me to be here for Mikey and Angelina.... But just as much as I want to be here for them, I need to be with you!

There is no way I can decribe what you are to me, what  you meant to me.. YOu know! I told you every day. You are the air that I breathe! The very core of My Soul, the simplcity of my heart, the peace that brings me serenity... You will always be my soul, serenity and sanity!
Nicholas "Mother Fucker" Nespolini you are my light! I love you and wish you the most happiest, sweetest, joyous thanksgiving in heaven. Please stay shining and Give Harry, Farije, Mark, Bute, grandpa, papa, a huge kiss and hug for me. A special Kiss and Hug for Aunt Maryanne... Tell her I am jealous but wish her the peace of gods love and heaven always,, Tell her I love her too~
Now for the special message..... Please Give Mother a huge kiss and Hug... Tell her I said Thank you! She answered very Fast... Cant Thank her enough! Let her know I will go Soon!
for the even more special Message: Please Tell MY JESUS, that I said I can not begin to thank him for all that he has done and continues to do. Tell him that I love him from the core of my being. My soul thrives for his love and grace. Finally, tell him I do understand that I have work to do and I hope I do it to his satisfaction. Please let him know that when I say I want to kidnap him and keep him in my heart all to myself. I say it with all true love for him but not literally that I will kidnap him... At least I hope I dont! HAHA!
MY Forever Love.... One day soon Dancing on the moon!
Love you
Mommy!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING NICNIC I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HAVE A GREAT GOBBLE GOBBLE WITH EVERYONE, HARRY, FARIJE, GRANDPA, BUTE, MARYANN EVERYONE HUGS AND KISSES. ...TEZE

let it be


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