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Mikey, your lil brother


you are in my heart forever and ever. I will grow up and have kids and I will take L=Block and take good care of it. I would never let anything happen to L-Block or all of your friends. Nick, I will make a kid, and if he is born April 21st, that will be you coming back to me. You will then be the great son ever. When you are 5, I am going to buy you a guitar and drums and I am going to take you for lessons so you can become the greatest musician in the world. Just like you wanted to be. Rest in peace Nicnic..

You were always the best brother to me. I miss you ! and we will meet again...

I love you




Nick lil albanian You wouldv'e been 17, you should be 17. I don't understand what happend. It practically been a month and this is still blurry. I wish you wouldve said somethin, u know I would have listened to u n gave u some type of advice. I think this hurts the most because it really didnt and shouldnt have happendl; now all I have is those childhood memories, n boy oh boy do we have alot lol. Remember u used to always come to my house to sleep over and we would get into a fight n u would call your parents od late n they used to get tight at u. We used to terrorize that dog u and your mom had, chasin it around the house tryin to "karate chop" it lol. U used to sit there and let champ rape me lol. We used to play football, or atleast try to play football in ur moms bedroom lol. I still got that video of me and you when I was singing to Nicole....lollll me, steph, n jess where watchin it the other day. The best was the time we put "the toe" on ur moms lab top lolll. Damn, we still had sum plans, u was supposed to come wit me next yr to Woodburry n be my financial advisor again lol. Well im still goin and u better come too and find some ay to help me so I dont spend all my money like I almost did this past year. N dont forget our lil boxin match....U kno I wouldve knocked u out righ? lol but ill give u the wine this time. But if I ever see u again...n I hope I do, we could duke it out lol. The priest kept on sayin all this n that bout ur passin away should "open our eyes" n at first I swear it as getting me tight but it kinda did open my eyes. You showed me to appreciate the people you love because they could seriously be here one day and be gone the next. When Jess told me the news that morning when I was on the bus I had no idea that I was gon hear what I did. It crazy cuz I used to see u all the time when we where young n now ill never see you again (I hope I do)....I never expected this n now that it happend, I jus wish we wouldve spent more time together bc you know you was my favorite lil cuz righ? Don worry, you still are and you always will be, now n till the day I die n then hopefully I get to chill wit you some more.

I love you Nic Nic

Dad- Papa Dukes

If i could take your place,

To NicNic my Son and My Best Friend!!

I miss you so much each day. It feels like it gets harder and harder. It feels like someone stopped my life. I lite this candle from my heart, and when its my time I will see you in heaven. Thats where I know you are. Thats the day you and me will blow out this candle together and the light will be in our hearts eternally. That will bring back the happiness and light in my soul like the way I felt like the day you were born. That is what is going to make me feel so full inside again.

PS : "I love you sooooooo much" Dad, as you would say "PapaDukes"



To My Soul, Serenity and Sanity...

We always said to eachother that we were as one... that is so true. I always knew that you were with me even when you weren't born. That's because you are my soul. When you was born, My soul split in two. You was me and I was you.... You were an amazing baby. You never cried and you had every reason not to cry., I remember when you was only one week old and you woke up crying with that little sqeeky cry. I could not help but cry too. I called your dad at work crying telling him i did not know what to do.. I felt my soul in so much pain and did not know what to do... Daddy came home and picked you up and started to rock you...he kept telling me calm down... he is ok.. babies cry! and I kept on crying... he then said ... " I dont know who i should be rocking you or him." You stopped crying and so did I ... It was then that I knew more so that I could never see your eyes with tears in it or your eyes sad... I never let anyone or anything make you sad... Do you remember when we were in pathmark... When i was pregnant with Mikey and I asked you to get the poly-o string cheese so that i can pay for the one I ate in the store... when those three men surrounded you and accused you of trying to steal the polly-o, Do you remember what I did to them when I saw the tears in your eyes... !!! Do you remember what I did to the Priest at that school who did not let you go to the bathroom? The Stories are endless... When I promised you that I would not ever let anyone make you cry or bring sadness to your eyes I meant it... To SEE YOU WITH SADNESS OR TEARS IN YOUR EYES .. Was to SEE MY OWN SOUL CRYING....

We were as one... You would look into my eyes and tell if I was aching inside... You would tell me " Mom I can feel your sadness, I know ...because we are the same.. we are one... Just like I knew when you were upset, or in deep thought about something.. I could feel it..Sometimes you would say to me " Mom this is really sick, How is it so possible that I can feel you and you me?" and as usual I would tell you that you were my soul... !

When we had our talks ... (.this occured almost every day and night)I constantly reminded you how I could not breathe without you and you would say to me I know mom because I cant breathe without you either... YOU WERE THE AIR THAT I BREATHED... You are still my air... I am struglling to breath now, MY LOVE... Every waking moment seems like a lifetime TOO long without you..  Its only 4 weeks and it seems like forever... the Pain and Sorrow thickens and there is no where I can find my air to breathe...

I try not to show my misery, my broken soul..(I am so broken) because your brother and Dad are struggling too... Its hard... there are no words to describe this pain.. I often say to myself, My God, now I know how you felt when your son Jesus was crucified... The pain is immeasurable. The sorrow to thick, the loss of will, unbuildable, the soul, unrepairable... the life, unlivable...the air, GONE!! I can only pray every day that I do not live a long life... ! I need to be able to breathe again, I need my soul to be Fixed... and you are the only one who can fix it... My Love!


I can't wait till I see you again... When that time comes I will truly be happy again. I MISS YOUR HUGS, KISSES DOWN MY NECK, ALL OVER MY FACE AND You wanting to puch your way back into my stomach... You always told me that you wanted to go back inside of me so you can live in there forever...Now, I just want to take back time so I can hold you in my arms forever and ever... !

I love you, my soul, serenity and sanity...



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