Nicholas Marty Nespolini

 

ok so i just got home from work and its 1.30.10 at 3:58 in the morning and u cant help but cry and cry and cry !! i miss you more thenn words can ever explain .. no one in the entire world knows or understands how serious i am when i say it HURTS .. like it breaks my heart and just tares me up inside when i wake up everyday knowing you arent here .. i found something i wrote a few days after you passedd .. you were my other half. We grew up but never grew apart, you are and will forever be the only person who truly knows me. I knew you like the back of my hand and one thing i will never forget is how much you loved your family and friends. Ive never in my life met a person who can touch so many peoples lives with simple words and actions. You werent only an angel to me, you were an angel to everyone who met you for even the slightest moment in your 16 years of living. We were always told that me and you were like your mom and uncle donny, just as inseparable as them. When i seen you I'd hug you like i havent seen you in years when i probably seen you just a few days before. I loved you more then words can explain. Now im 17 and im still growing up but im missing a part of me. On 1.30.09 God decided to take you back to heaven to be with him but little did he know he took my other half. Now a part of me is gone and i can never get it back. You were my brother, my life, and my very best friend and now i have to go on with life without you and i dont know if i can do it .. its one year later and i still have that same feeling everyday on how am i gonna get through today knowing he isnt here .. nic i just dont know what to do !! i need you and i love you and i justt need you here

Nic its year and I am still in disbelief that your not here, I look at Angelina and how much she looks like you and I tell her stories about you and she smiles. I reflect back when you were a baby cannot help how quiet and content you were as a baby and looking at your sister I reflect those days. Nic mommy, daddy & Mikey are going to need you so show mommy and daddy that you are there. Most of all its you that I miss so much how I miss looking at those eyes smile and how you would laugh I miss your laugh.

I call your cell just to hear your laugh and i breath in your voice in my soul when I listen to it over and over I just need to feel that your still here. I cannot get enough of my Nic Nic I miss you kiddo so much my insides tremble knowing my eyes will not see you again in this life but soon we will see each other again I love you sooooooo much! TEZE MISSES YOU SO MUCH MY ARMS ACH TO HUG YOU

1/30/2010

tomorrow it is going to be ONE year that youve been gone and it is still so unreal to me - how can something like that have happened! you were my best friend, my brother, my other half! you were the one i called when i was upset and you would always annoy me with your stupid little jokes but now i wish i could hear just one more of them! You were my sanity! you always knew what was wrong without even asking and you never failed when it came to making me smile! we would talk on the phone for hours and nothing made me happier then seeing you or talking to you! everyone would laugh at how affectionate we were towards eachother and thats because no one has or will ever understand the bond we had with eachother - you were a part of me and when you left that part left too! i wish i could hear you say "i love you totty" over and over the way you used too went we were on the phone with eachother ! your little sister is here now and she looks just like you .. the day i met her i sat there and held her in my arms and couldnt help but cry .. because i miss you nic .. theres times when i feel like i dont know what else to do but just give up .. on everything .. and then i think of you and your my motivation .. everything i do im doing it for the both of us .. im gonna do good in school and work and im going to be successful for myself but most importantly for you .. i just cant help but cry just thinking that your really not here like its just not fair ! everyone has that one person who is always there for them .. the way your mom had donny when she was younger and even now .. you were that person for me .. last year when it all happened and donny came just watching how your mom hugged him reminded me of us and i couldnt help but cry because im not gonna have that anymore .. you wont be here to hug me or talk to me when im upset or sad and it breaks my heart everytime i think about it .. as much as i love every single person in our family (and i love them all so much) no one will ever be able to be there for me the way you were .. i cant explain it but just you being there not doing or saying anything just because it was you is more then anyone else could do .. i love you and miss you and not a day goes by that i dont think about youu.. im starting my first day of my second semester tomorrow wish me luck and be with me the whole time pleasee ! - My best friend, My brother, My other half & now MY guardian angel ♥ ♥ ♥

nick, we miss you. your sheepe n lil sheepe wanted me to tell you they love you and miss you. marcus is speaking a lot now, and i promise he still remembers you,i ask hm wheres nick, and he points to his heart, and then bumps my head like you used to do to his:). mima misses you too and she sends you all her love. mommy and daddy miss you too...and even a year later nothing feels the same without you here. a thousand years could go by and well all still miss wking up to you yelling or you ready for breakfast and coffee :). thank you for becoming so close to me nick, and the rest of my family. you know i was thinking of how margarita used to sit and stare at you whn you were on the compute and i couldnt help but laugh. i was thinking about you last night, like i always do before i fall asleep, and i looked out my window and wished you were there. i need my best friend, i need your hugs, i need you. no one in this world nick could ever replace you, your ina special place in my heart, and thats where ill always keep you... i know your still hee somehow, because despite how alone i feel, i could never feel so lonely. i love you nick...i always will... & christine misses youtoo we all do. jus remember i love, and please dont leave me. i love you for always and always is forever.

nick i miss you so much! nick shes here and ive been calling her my little sister since before she was born...she is absolutely beautiful and being around her mikey samantha and nick they put the biggest smile on my face. you know nick i miss you so much and i miss the way you used to make me smile. i talk to you everynight and its basically the only way ive been falling asleep lately. and even thogh your not here physically i know your here nick because even when im sad and no ones around to turn to i dont ever feel trully alone. im sorry that i havent written to you in a while, but you know i think about you everyday. today i couldnt stop thinking about you, i was thinking about halloween when i wasnt allowed to go to school and the forth of july that was pouring but still we went with your famiy and you showed me how to light the little fire crackers and just randomly waking up to little knocks on my window from rocks or you yellingg ASHLLEEEE! :)i miss it nick allof it so much... saturday makes a year...& this year nick...wasnt complete...my best friend.. the one i looked up to like an older brther and bothered him w my ocd..he wasnt here..you werent here. nick i miss you and no one i meet will ever be like you or even compare..because you trully were one of a kind. sincethe day i met you i knew you wre special and till this day i know you are. nick i love you forever and ill miss you forever. but i wanna thank you because through anything you were there for me..and even still i now im not alone.. thank you for being my best friend.. for making sure i was always safe...thank you for not only giving me a best friend in you...but a second home and family with your family because i trully love them too. you always have a place in my heart and in my home. please come visit i love you for always and always is forever...ashlee

To My Big Brother NicNic,

I arrived to meet the rest of my family last week and I am happy they are exactly what you said they would be. I am writing a poem for you, I hope you will like it.( look for it soon) I also hope that when you and mommy are together again, the poem will be the song that you dance and sing to, in heaven and on the moon.

She has already begun to talk to me about you, she doesnt know that I already know you and it was you that made it possible for me to be here. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to put some sunshine in the clouds of our world today. Thank you for Mikey, He calls me his princess and I love him soooooo much.

I will keep up with what we together have planned , so long as you never leave my side... you are now my angel too, who will guide me through this life, teach me whats wrong and whats right. You will be my shining star, who will shine on me from wherever you are, I know you have much work to do, so I will try to be at my best, just for you. I love you more than the heavens above, you will always be my first true love, my beautiful brother, MY HEAVENLY DOVE! Love your Baby Sister Angelina Nikki...........

NicNic, i was just reading mommy's letter to you when she said the part about telling you the moon was following you, i remember that because that's what i told gemma too and we were laughing that we had told you guys the same thing and you just looked at us and smiled unsure why we were laughing and said why are you guys laughing? you were so little you were the sweetest boy so gentle and kind , you may have gotten taller  but you were always the sweetest to me and i always saw the little boy in your eyes. nothing can take the memories away  my heart is heavy ,God keep you always , love Cacarol

Booboo....

I dont know where to begin anymore. Im just so lost without you here with me. For as long as I can remember you were the reason why I was... Now, I don’t understand who I’m supposed to be. Its hard for me to explain the depths of my emptiness, except to say that “I am not” without you. We were as one together. Our souls together completed you and me. Now, I’m left without the will to see tomorrow. Just gazing through each day, hoping for the day I get to be with you again. You provided my direction, hope, strength, and so much more. Now, I yearn from deep within my soul to find you.

 

There wasn’t a day that passed us by that we didn’t share the love we had for each-other, the laughter, the sermins, the hugs, kisses, the randomness of our discussions; some stupid, others to  remember as it could only be coming from you and me... dancing, sharing our thoughts, emotions, ideas, crazy future plans; although many great plans too.,. There wasn’t a day that you didn’t remind me of how proud you were of me and me of you... YOU GAVE ME REASON , MY LOVE; Now, I just do not know where I fit in anymore... How can I, when a part of me is gone ?

 

I reflect back to when you were just a baby.... “a baby that had all the answers for me”. I don’t know how, but you did.. Your eyes and smile kept me alive, kept me going through any storm. I reflect back to the many many times I sat with you and consulted you on every move I made. You gave me strength my love, with the simplest answer you gave. YOU gave me the ability to shine through the cloudiest of our days, just because you LOVED ME.

 

Your love for me was sooooooo unconditional and unlimited; you never said NO to me, you never ever made anything a priority over me, you always was there and you stopped everything you were doing to always make sure I was okay, even when you were a baby.. When I was sick, it was you who tucked me in... It was you, who laid there with me, hugging me, always telling me how much you loved me. When I was sad, you knew it just by looking at my face. You made it your priority to make it right. Sometimes all it took was simply talking with you. It was all I ever needed. YOU and Your love is all I ever needed. I never asked for anything in my life, except to have you by my side forever… I reflect back before you were born and I can clearly remember now the depths of my emptiness then. IT WAS YOU MY LOVE, that gave me life…Now, the emptiness is all to familiar again… the feeling of nothing all to clear… the pain, and bitter suffering inside of me real, not just a figment of my past, it is with me now, forever!!!!!

 

I don’t know my love; why Im left here without you… I ask Jesus, to help me understand what am I to do without the air that is needed to stay alive… I don’t know if I have gotten my answer yet… But what I do know is that he is holding me right now. He is giving me the ability to stay alive each and every day. I ask Jesus to hold me tight enough so that I can make it through each day for Mikey. He is my angel. I always told you that you were my soul and he was my angel, my heart. So, now, I am stuck in this everlasting pain and suffering without you for now, Because my angel and my heart needs me for just a little while. I laugh when I reflect back at how you would get angry with him when he argued with me. Well, he still does, but now I tell him that you will still slap him and he stops, well sometimes he does. Every morning, he wakes up and comes to me and kisses my face as you did, my eyes, forehead, cheeks and says “ mom, I love you”.. My heart wrenches with love for him and you each and every day… My 2 Boyz….. I hope and pray everyday that you are still my booboo… My Boy! I also hope and pray that when that sweet day comes when I close my eyes to this pain forever, it will be you and Jesus that will be waiting for me. I hope that you will be the same way as you were and that we can resume where we left off before these people stepped in your path and took you away…

 

Someone asked me once, are you mad at Jesus… My answer to them was, how could I be, it wasn’t him that did this to you or me. How can I be, when he now holds you in his arms for me… I hope and pray my love, that you are happy and in his arms every heavenly moment; and when his arms get tired of holding you, I hope he will then bring me home… so I can! When that time comes my love, It will be forever!  

 

You stole my soul, my love; and I willfully surrendered it to you… you will forever be my SOUL, SERENITY AND SANITY…. Thank you for loving me, like no other has or ever will! Till we are together again…  

 

P.S :  Remember when I used to tell you that the Moon was your friend because It followed you everywhere you went. Do you remember how you reacted when you noticed that the moon was everywhere you went. it was priceless.. I told you, that one day we will together walk and dance on the moon….. I wait for that day too!!!!  I love you my BooBoo,

 

This song is dedicated to you and to Jesus… because without your love, I wouldn’t be!

 

 

 

 

 

Nespo, member when we were walking down MP together & you yelled out MORRISS PARKK ISS FORR HERBS? ahha, i'll neverr forget the first & last day we chilled... it was so funny when i was like HEY YOU WANT A REDBULL and you were like SAY THAT IN FUCKIN ALBO BITCH. ahahha, thenn youu mooned mee!  well, imaa say it in albo for you one day<3

i might be going to your grave tm... depends on if i get a ridee loll.

Everyonee missess youu soo muchhh ; I lovee youu nespoo...

watchh overr uss (;  <3 <3