Nicholas Marty Nespolini

Hey My Love,

Another day, another way...

Always thinking of you... today like many days, everything simmers;  somehow i see that day repeat in my head. It starts all over again..over and over again.. !!! Where do i go to erase that day... How do i get there???? ... Sometimes I cant do this anymore... and then I can.. Sometimes I just want to lay this life down... and then I dont! I am Torn and couldnt be more broken..and then I find strength... Life lessons have been learned the roughest way I can imagine...

 

Starting on some new paths... Help me make it possible.. While I am here gonna work to do whats right... I promised Jesus I would! So, While I am on this journey called LIfe..(I call it the endless pit) I will work as he lays out my tasks...! . The least I can do for all of his Grace!

 

Tell him, just in case he didnt hear me with this world so loud... I am thrilled and proud of who he is to me... I love him so! Will do more, just show me the way... I cant promise he wont hear from me on a daily basis and that I wont talk too much... Cause he knows that will be a false promise.. Just tell him I will try to hold the jokes to a minimum... A little humor to keep our spirits up... Right! I know he has a sense of humor Boo.... A lot of jokes by now a bolt of lightning accross the forehead! hehe! 

 

Like tomorrow I will get struck and everyone who has read this will say... Holy shit, Jesus really didnt like the jokes... But NO everyone, If that should happen to me... Its more like he was so pleased with me that he wanted me home where I can amuse him with more jokes... so dont take it literall... My Jesus doesnt work that way... He is LOVE! 100% of it too! I know!

 

I love you my Love keep on shining and showing me... need you to,, all the time... PS : I NEED MY Popcorn... ALWAYS NEED YOU WITH ME... !

 

My Jesus, you know the drill... probably know what I am going to say...So, Anyway, I will still say it... I LOVE YOU! If I had it my way, you would be wrapped up with all of my love bunched up in a ball small enough to keep right near my heart...

 

since I cant wrapp you up and keep you all to myself.. I will keep you in my heart, with an open heart for your love always... THANK YOU... EVERYONE OF YOUR MESSAGES COME THROUGH... Thank you for holding me up when I am falling.. Thank you for wiping my tears.. Thats been a lot of wiping! Thank you for giving me hope... For Showing me you hear me with your ever so present answers.. Thank you for guiding me.. My Jesus, My Best friend... THANK YOU FOR BEING EVER SO ALIVE IN MY LIFE, MY HEART and MY SOUL! I will do what we speak about... YOU know the Drill tooooo!  For Tonight Good night... Kiss My NicNic., Extra Kisses to Harry.. I miss him terribly.. Tell Him and Farije I said thanks... Give Granny a BIGGGG HUGE KISS! Props across the board... Dont let nicnic smoke too much! I love YOu ! KISSES.... XXXXXXXXXX OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to all !

Hey My Love,

I am lost for words as there are none that can decribe my pain for you my love. It feels like a thousand years without you... I struggle to make it through each day especially when I come to realize that you really are not coming home from school or from hanging out. My love, the oxygen too scarce and the air too thick now. Just doing it to do it....No more plans my love.. Just living to die..

 

Have some things have to do for Jesus..for MIkey, Angie, Daddy... then hopefully home...!!!!

 

You know how much I love.. and how much I love Mikey, Angelina and Daddy... Mikey is the reason why I am here today... I love him to pieces, my heart will forever overflow with love for him... .. But My love, you are my Soul and now that you are not here with me I am broken. My soul is always aching... Always crying for you.. I miss your face, your smile, your voice calling my name... just talking your long elaborated stories..! I miss your hugs... Oh how much I miss your kisses... Miss talking to you... and I miss you jumping on me and pushing your head back to where you came from... you would make me laugh...sometimes you hurt me too... but it was all good! 

 

What I miss the most is your graduation... your college entrance.. you living in the apartment upstairs, I miss my grandaughters you promised me; Angelina & Haley.. Miss my grandson NIKO.. Not gonna ever have that.. (they took that away from me ). I miss MY LIFE WITH YOU... We were supposed to go dancing together, Go to Amsterdam and to Australia and other places we spoke about. I was supposed to become a Judge and put you in Jail... haha! You an Architect... You are a great artist...

My Love, Im writing Lyrics and my friend and I have made some songs. working on your Song now... ITs gonna be the Bomb.. I hope Jesus & You Love them.

 

I am Forever Proud of you... you have always been a good hearted friend to everyone you met. A great brother to Mikey and a Fantastic Son to daddy and great to the rest of the family.

 

 Mostly you have always been by my side, you never let me down.. NOT ONCE! You lived for me, in everything you did you always did it with me in your heart... you always remained true to your promises to me..

 I will always be proud of the angel you are now too.. YOU Still remain Loyal to your promises, thank you for always showing me that you are with me.. I need you by my side as always.. this life isnt anymore..whats left is what we together can make of it until I reach you at heavens gate.. 

 

YOu will forever be my soul... While you are holding it in your hands remember that we are one... You are me and I am you...Hold it gently my love, its fragile until we are together again and in my arms....

 

Kid, there aint gonna be a  mountain, boulder, ocean, storm that will take you from me when I get there... So, for this while we have left seperated by this difference in time do what you have to do... Cause when I get there my Love its all about me and you!

I love you at SOUL.... Forever my Soul, Serenity and Sanity!

I love you ! I Love You! I Love You! INFINITELY!!!!

 

MY LOVE... SONG #1 is the song I wrote for JESUS with the help of My Friend DON who also wrote the music .. Jill is singing it. Hope he loves it..It comes from my heart for him..Every word is true from the core of my soul for him... Hope you love it.. You Inspired me my love! Please tell Him I love him SOOO!

I just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas in heaven above,

also, to let you know that you are my first true love,

I see you all the time,

they dont know; but you will always be mine,

 

I love when you sleep right by my side,

You hold my hand and sing me lullaby's,

You hug and kiss me so,

You whisper in my ear to let me know,

That you will by my side forever,

Together we will walk this life, we will treasure...

togetherness at SOUL,

Together we are Whole.

I love you my First true Love

Forever you will be my Heavens Dove...

Your Baby Sister Angelina NIkki...

 

 

 

The Other Night I reflected upon my life & Its journey. The pain thickened within my Heart and soul, It was the thought of you that made me whole.

 

I wrote this poem for you my LORD..

 

A friend is someone who is there, When you are in despair.

A friend is someone who you can embrace, When tears are falling down your face,

A friend is someone who will hold your hand, When lifes has turned to quick sand,

 

When your heart is broken, a hug from a friend is just the right token,

 

When your body is aching from the tears of sorrow,

A friend is someone who will carry you through tomorrow,

 

When your soul has left you and gone astray,

A friend will guide you and show you the way,

 

When your days have turned to forever night,

A friend will be there to provide you light,

 

When you have lost your will to smile,

A friend will go that extra mile,

 

When your body feels beaten and your soul so cold

A friend is someone that you can hold,

 

When you no longer see the beauty of even a dove,

A friend will give you that extra love.

 

Thank you MY JESUS for being my FRIEND, Without you, MY LIFE WOULD HAVE MET ITS END..

YOU HAVE LOVED ME and REMAINED;

MY FRIEND

MY GRACE

MY LIGHT

MY BLANKET

MY WILL

MY CONFIDANT

MY STRENGTH

MY PERSEVERENCE.

MY PERFECT AND PRECIOUS FRIEND PLEASE REMAIN IN MY HEART & SOUL FOR YOU ARE MY ULTIMATE GOAL... YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY FOREVER LOVE AND FRIEND...

I LOVE YOU!

ME

 

 Nic nic angelina has the same look as you did when you were little Teze misses you so much and I love you SO damn much my soul aches THAT i CANNOT HEAR YOUR LAUGH or HUG YOU but one day we will see each other again and i will not let you go I need to hug you and smack your neck a little like I always did and you would laugh. It was always funny when i just out of no where smack your neck and we both laugh miss that laugh of  yours.

 

HUGS AND KISSES UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN LOVE TEZE

YOUR MY BUD, MY BOY IN THE MIRROR, MY MINI MINI, SMACK ON THE NECK ALL THAT I DID WITH YOU I MISS SO MUCH ESPECIALLY THE SMACK ON THE NECK LOL

                                                                           

This will always be a blessed day April 21, 1992 the day my Nic Nic came into our lives. The link below I dedicate to you Nic Nic it reminds me of you when you were lttle boy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8flfhllb25w 

You always knew every word, movement, action of the movie Mask so Happy 18th Birthday Bud (April 21, 2010).

I MISS YOU SO MUCH & I LOVE YOU BUD 

OK Here it goes.........Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Nic Nic my boy in the mirror

Happy Birthday to you...........Teze Loves you soooooooooooo Much, so blow your candles in heaven have the biggest party Heaven has ever seen and lets us know with the sparks fallng from heaven that you blew your candles out and most of all let daddy, mommy, Mikey & Angelina know that you are there with them on this specail day. I am sending you my HUGS and KISSES and ROCK HEAVEN like it never been ROCKED before party your ass off.

 Love you always...teze

 

 

Hey My Booboo, My Buddy, My life.,, Happy Easter in Heaven. God my love, it sucks here without you. I dont know where to begin; there is so much that i need to say to you, so much! Booboo,I miss you so much, my pain inside  has burned a hole through me. I feel hollow, empty and always struggling. I reflect; every waking moment... every reflection has you in it. Every waking moment includes you at thought, at heart and at the core of my being. I dont know how to let out the inner turmoil nor do i know what to do with it.. I dont know how to process the thoughts anymore.. I cant remember much anymore, I dont know if thats a good thing! I just hope that I dont forget a single moment I spent with you... It would be like losing you again! I often reflect back to that day when my life, my world and my soul died.. I regret not laying down and dying next to you... My first thought! My second my love, was yours and my pride and joy, MIKEY.. He has truly kept me here... even though I am in so much pain, he makes it possible for me to fight through each day. Its a battle, a fight I am not prepared to fight every day.. But I try!

My love, why couldnt I have gone first.. I would have burned in a fire for you... I would have died the worst possible death for you, so you can grow and fulfill your life as you planned as we both planned... So much for plans right my love... I always told you that no matter how much we plan out our life, it doesnt mean life will accept those plans.. Our life obviously didnt.. Now, I dont plan! No more plans, no more future thoughts... just in the moment praying that I will get by it without letting my pain show.. my emptiness; my slowly dying WILL, becoming evidenced and on the surface. Not for anyone but you and me... I dont share my love.. dont know how! I was spoiled by you and so comfortable with you, your everyway, your sincerity, your honesty, your love and friendship, undivided attention and devotion to me as your mom, your friend... your " Mama Dukes" .. I miss you sooooooo much, I need to hug you, I need you to hug me back.. take away this pain, this sadness, this misery and emptiness...... Booboo, When its my time, and you are there waiting for me, dont wait! run up to me and hug me and dont ever let me go! I yearn for it, for your smile, to hear your voice, your smell, your random jokes, your everything..

I am sorry Booboo, I wish I would have done more with you... there was sooo much we were supposed to do, like Australia, Like Sandals, and so on... I am sorry we didnt, I really thought we had more time.. I am sorry I was too sure ! Every day that passes it gets harder because, I lose that day with you... and I try so hard to maintain some story of us for that day... its sounds crazy.. but how the hell am i supposed to go through life without the one who stole my heart and soul.... MY Life, My Air...

I want you to know that I do see, and hear and feel... HAHAHA! Dont stop... it helps me somewhat, It does give me the pep for a while! More hugs and kisses... The TV thing was a good one!

I have not written you in a while, please look out for your letter, have too much to talk to you about. In the mean while please tell JESUS i said Thank you.. I know its because of him and you that its happening! I made a promise to him... I will live up to it! I will promise him again...

I love you, my love... you will forever be my love, my life, my air, and my soul..

SSS forever!

PS: Till we are together, dancing and singing in heaven and on the moon! I love you for eternity!

 

hey nick, let me just start off saying i miss you way too much &ilove you soo muchh! last night i was up thinking a lot &of course i look out my window to see where me &my best friend shared many moments at 3am for so long. i miss the pitter patters of rocks at my window &the yels that always woke my mom around 6. i miss those times so much, they meant so much to me, you were the one person i knew i could turn to no matter what & iknow even during this year the times that i have been down and crying your still the first i turn to. i couldnt stop thinking of you the other night, my aunt found a picture of us from like 3years ago so i added it to our frame, &id looked up to remember the way your hugs were the absolute best hugs ever and how you were just simply you &never let a single soul change that, you are so special &you are like a brother to me nick. so i know ive cried to you a lot over this year(more than i have over the others) but i just want to say thank you, because now im happier &i know you had something to do with it, because despite the fact of the many times i was alone there was always a piece of you, a scent, a memory, a feeling, that never allowed me to feel so lonely. thank you because i know your still here &i still needed and need you to be. your family is beautiful just as you are. mommy supprts me gives me advice &cares for me as you did i love her so much . dad talks to me about anything the food hes cooking the cars i want ilh too. mickey hes just amazing i might have to attack him with hugs but he makes me so happy hes really special i love him oh so much. angelina she puts a smile on my face i tell you i love her so much already. i miss you nick but i wanna thank you because i know not only arent you gone, but you left me w some of the most amazing people ive met &they are really like family. wheni was thinking of you the other night, i trully closed my eyes as to remember you infront of me and tried to hold and hug you as tight as i could, i remember exactly how your hugs felt, perfect. thankyou for always being my best friend through my ocd my yelling my problems the good the bad you were there. there have been so many times ive felt so down and i dont know how to make it through especially without you and i look out my window &know im not doing it without you...your with me...because if you werent i wouldnt feel this strange stregnth inside me that comforts every part of me. the weathers getting nicer & it makes me think about the summers and springs, watching son of sam at your house block parties convincing my mom youd have me home safe to let me out later you running around w my american flag &my favorite...my best friend carrying me &holding me as i slept on a beautiful spring day. you know i love you, i hope you know because i promise i really trully do. stay by me dont forget me. ill never forget you. ilove you for always and forever -ashlee <3

NicNic , I cant believe one year has come and gone . I still look at your pictures and shake my head .

I wonder if you hear me whisper to you, I always ask yo ,NicNic where are you? are you listening to me when I talk to you? So many times I walk out my door and forget your not here with us and I think I hear you or I look over expecting to see you talking on your phone in the driveway, remember I always said,  Nic you just scared the shit out of me ! and you would laugh.Even now i think of the beautiful boy you were and the beautiful young man you became . Its so painful, God keep you always near. Your always in my heart.