Nicholas Marty Nespolini

hi my other half ! i miss you and love u so much not day goes by when i dont think about you ! .. i was with you mom last week and she was telling me about a picture she has on when we were both babies and i was sitting down and u were sitting in btwn my legs ! oh god nic how i wish you were here .. its getting so hard because im realizing its true .. my other half is gone .. who am i gonna call when i fight with my mom and need to bitch about it lol and whos gonna say i love you totty i love you totty i love you totty a trillion times before they get off the fone with me ! nic ineed u here .. i need you just for the little things .. i try to stay strong for u mom and nana and myself but its so hardd .. mikeys so much like you .. like 2 months ago when i was at your house we were in the computer room and mikey was putting music on and a song that reminded me of u came on and i layed on the floor and was crying and mikey sat there and just rubbed my head til i stopped .. thats what u would have done .. i love you and i need you nic .. it breaks my heart everytime i think about it .. i just wiwsh you were here with me omg nic .. well its 2 in the morning and i couldnt sleep and i have a final in like 5 hours and i love you so much and im probably not gonna sleep tonight cause i cant stop crying (its just one of those nights) just wanna say i love you and i miss you - hope youlike everything i bought mikey for christmas ! i tried to do good :) p.s. gimme a sign for what i was telling you about .. lemme know if its a good decision .. i still depend on your help ! lovee you kiddoo i love you always and forever - My other half ! totty and nicnicc <3 Angel of God, my guardian dear, To whom his love commits me here, Ever this day be at my side, To light and guard, to rule and guide. my guardian angel

hi nicky,
just the other day we went to the Bank & we were in the parking lot and when my mom came out there was this car with a guy in it. The guy was going into the parking we had & when i looked at his face i swear it look like you. i told gena omg right that looks like nicnic and she looked and started laughing and said yeah. oh man nicnic i miss you!!
i was with your mom 2 weeks ago & omg she is so funny.
she was telling us the story that you thought your middle name was mother[effer]
and she put down the radio and yelled.. my name is NICHOLAS MOTHER[EFFER] NESPOLINI
ahah i was dieing in the backseat
iLove your mom and your family
&
you
miss you nicnic

about 3 or 4 years ago thys week me and nespo embarked on a journey, on thys journey we were unaware of the strange creepy randum stuff objects people we were about to stumble upon.. thys journey wasnt like my road trips meaning long n lengthy..it was in a 4 block radius the journey down vincent avenue starting from layton towards randall..we were out at night around halloween time where everything is just creepy nd weird... so were walking and outta noo where,,,,helppppppp we are emortified by the screams of a chick in a window by layton..we approached the window she was screamin like helppp me something incohesive we didnt understand soo she was just screamin scaring the shyt out of us so we dipped it idk why but scary shit...walking down vincent past barkley just walking mind our own business n thys flucken demon dog i swear came out of nowhere behind a fence barked ...i was frightened n shook probably let out a loud shreik like a lil btych but at thys point we were buggin out idk why maybe the fact of it being halloweenn soon just the feeling in the air made that night a spooky night...so we advance up the block n whuddya know a empty wheel chair on vincent n lafayatte just chyllen on the street more towards where the cars parked...thys crazy friend of mine wants to sit in it n make me push hym around...it was a good thought n all but he was buggin cuz that shyt was possessed i mean how many times u just stumble upon an empty wheel chair in the middle of the street on the 8 hundred block of vincent avenue...so we deaded that n made it to philip ave..thys was at the time wen...the bug terminagtor n puppy groomer or whuddever wasnt there...when they were building it they had the boards up the boards u wanna hit if u ever bombed with a sene...so we decide to take a looksy inside the boarded area... i spotted out the camera thys kid goes to moon the camera... as he does that we hear OHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHH not like the cool aid man ohh yeahh but sum perez type hitlon gay yell in the window below the camera...you ever try to run and laugh it is the hardest thing to do besides fittin into ya pants after thanksgivin lol...so we run down to michelles crib on vincent 7 hundred block....were tellen michelle about our night how randum it was....and a bat just comes out the tree now i know what u thynken u jumped right code...nahhh not me nespoo he buggegd out it was just a bat lol... so that was the night we discovered when we chylled the randumest sickest stuff would happen...at least one thing randum after that night for a day we chylled....i miss u my man...happy halloweenn.....mindddddddfreakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...r.i.p.

Hey My Love, today I found myself almost losing control.. I needed to scream, I need to explode and let the world know this pain.. My love, it doesn't go away, not even for a moment. I always imagined my life with you my love. I can't even remember life without you.. How am i supposed to do this redundant life with all of this pain lurking inside of me, now ? I was able to reach and grab the stars with you for you.. Now, my love, the only thing I want to reach is the gates that you walked through without me..

I often think about all mothers that have been placed to face this pain and I hurt even more. I dont understand how it could be so, that we are left here without our children. It hurts my love, in a way that is unexplanable through words. I do not think that there is a word or phrase that can explain the pain, the loss, the loneliness, the emptiness, the hollow feeling that is prevalent inside of me now.. I am lost and broken my love..

 

I try to be a good mom to Mikey, as I was to you . We talk and joke the same way., I have been having story time with him... he is very smart and Observant! cathes on really fast and has a comeback for me each time.

My favorite: I love when he argues with Daddy, that is funny.. I turn my head and laugh... I really love it because they are so the same; they bump heads and can go on like broken records with eachother...

Mikey got into a fight on the bus the other day.. some kid kept pushing his face into the seat.. when he came off the bus his face was red and he was not happy. I told him not to ever let anyone do that again and if that boy were to hit him again he better hit him back... He then said to me, I want to go to his house now and fight him..so I told him that we would, but Daddy said no.. and they started to argue. so they argued and he presented valid points... He is a little boy in body and an old man in spirit...Love it!

I am going to do everything I can to secure him and make sure that his life will be without struggle... I love him soooo much too and then I just need to find my way home..

 

I long for the day that I am with you, the day when I can just look into your eyes as we did all the time, Hold you in my arms and get your smoochums on my cheek and neck, when I can see your beautiful smile and hear your voice calling me Mommy, Mom, Mama Dukes, and Women!

I miss you soooo much, what is one day for someone too me my love is a lifetime too long.. Its too long without you... How much longer? I love you forever

Nic Nic this song is from mommy she said you like this song I love you bud...Teze

nic .. i had a dream last night that i was at nanas house and i went to walk into her room and you were laying there on her bed .. it was youu ! and you got up and hugged me the way you as did .. and i couldnt let you go .. nic it was real and i miss you so much and wish that dream could come true .. omg id be the happiest person nic .. idk what to do without you its so hard everyday to just get up and keep going knowing that my bestfriend, my other half isnt here .. omg i cant even explain the way i felt in my dream i felt like nothing could bring me down nic .. it was you .. you were giving me that big bear hug you always did whenever i saw you .. nic i miss youu .. i still dont believe any of this is real .. everyday gets worse and worse because its getting closer to my birthday .. my first birthday without you .. and all the holidays.. i spent them with you and now you wont be here and idk how im gonna do it nic i really dont .. i love you so much and miss you .. please somehow .. show me your heree

To the Love of my life, to the one and only who took my soul and made me whole…

Amazingly, I was who I was, and I am who I am, because I was blessed with you.  “

 

I often reflect back to that last day when we shared our always beautiful moments, planning your future college goals and so much more.. you stopped while in motion, you glanced back and then you snapped your fingers and said guess what mom… At first of course I thought you were going to hit me up with saying “ nothing” ( you knew how to drive me crazy with that)  But , this time you didn’t do that.. haha! You said something that carries me throughout every moment of everyday and night. You said, “ When you had me mom, God blessed you, But God blessed me with you”. . Somehow My Love, your soul, our soul knew that we would be separating from this world and I strongly believe that you knew that I could not survive without you.. So, you left me a thought that carries me..

But, My love, you and God must know that nothing will be right, it helps but I will never be whole… How can I be My Love, I do not have my other half, my partner with Soul, My Bud, best friend here with me.

I sometimes do not cry my love because I feel that you feel my pain and I do not want you to hurt like I do.. I often picture what heaven is like and I often feel something come over me that makes me feel the beauty of it,  and through all this I cant help but feel the pain and hurt of never getting to see you complete what we planned together.. I always said “ you can plan out your life booboo, But it does not mean life will accept your plans” who would have thought that this saying would be validated with your life.. Now, I do not plan anything anymore because this life is the hardest thing I can do now, the most easiest is to leave it all behind to be with you… I know from the depths of our soul that this will be the case.

I closed my eyes the other day and I felt a feeling of being lifted, HELD… I thought to myself it is you of course… who else ever made me feel lifted “HELD” other than you. Not to say that I did not feel lifted when I was down by God.. because I believe that he has and continues to do so toooooo…this time I just knew it was you...

I just hope and pray that he can once more lift me, lift me up to where you are so that I can forever be with you.. MY SON, MY life, MY Everything…I miss you so much. There are no words to describe the emptiness inside or the pain. It seems like forever! Please my love, tell Jesus that I will do what I have to so that I can be with you forever.. no more sorrow, no more pain.. just you and me with each other again…. Love you always, Until you are in my arms again…

Hey Nic Nic.....I honestly thought that as time passes this would get easier to deal. I was so wrong Nic! It only gets harder everyday. I think of you through out every day that goes by. Everything is a constant reminder that I will never see your face in person again. I turn on my computer and your face is the first thing I see, I get in my car and the pin with your picture is the first thing I see, I look at my wrist and my tattoo with your name is right there. None of that can replace the feeling of being able to see you in person. I just wish I had more time with you. 16 years is not enough! You was and always will be my baby cousin. I love you Nic Nic!

hi nicky,
Yesterday we all went to your house because it was your mom's birthday. It was so funny. My mom retold the stories when she use to bother you and she also told us the pranks she played on you lol. Then your mom shared the stories on how she found out the tattoos you got. I was laughing so much. I miss you nicnic, a lot!

i love you