Nicholas Marty Nespolini

DEAR MOTHER,

 

I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN, THe PAIN YOU SUSTAINED WHEN YOUR SON WAS SLAIN,

I THINK ABOUT YOU SOOO MUCH NOW, NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN MADE TO FEEL THIS PAIN TOO.

I DO NOT KNOW WHY ANY MOTHER SHOULD HAVE TO ENDURE THIS NEVER ENDING TORMENT AND TORTURE,

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY,

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE... HOW DO I BUILD FROM THIS ENDLESS PIT OF AGONY,

HOW DO I BUILD MYSELF WHEN I LACK MY SOUL.. AS YOU MAY KNOW I SHARED MINE WITH OUR SON NICKY... HE IS WITH YOU NOW, AND,  I CANT FUNCTION..... I FEEL LIKE A HYPOCRITE TO YOU BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU WILL LOVE HIM, NURTURE HIM AND HOLD HIM CLOSE TO YOUR HEART AS I DID, BUT YOU SEE MOTHER, I NEEDED TO STILL DO THAT WITH HIM... I NEEEEEED TO BE WITH HIM...I AM SORRY THAT I KNOW YOUR LOVE AND STILL WANT HIM WITH ME... BUT I DO..

 

 

Dear God,

 

I thought I can see so clearly everything in life's path,

what I failed to see is what appears to be life's wrath,

Why Oh God, would this wrath be in my way,

Is it because of my certainty or have I left my faith astray,

I wonder if this could be it, for I felt so sure,

Thinking on the basis of a heart so pure,

Why would my vision not serve me right,

For it has always been to serve you in sight,

To be certain that I will be good,

To stand before those who were misunderstood,

To be selfless and giving to those who were in need,

I thought that I demonstrated that I share not greed,

To give time and emotion to those who were down,

To share tears , laughter and even frowns,

To make one feel life was somewhat whole,

This is what I thought would help you, MY LORD , see my soul

An ill-fated person I cared not be,

So, Why My lord, has this life forsaken me...

 

Why has life delivered upon me,

This wrath of endless agony,

I try to understand this lesson I am to learn,

I try to seek out an answer, from you this I yearn,

When Will I know, Why has life left me to sew..

Sew in pain and agony for my first baby boy,

His name my lord, Is Nicholas, he was my Soul,

Now my Lord, I am empty, I am not whole..

 

How do I,  My Lord, continue to fight,

Fight for what I thought was right,

You see My lord, I lost my strength, my will and path,

When I have failed to see,

That my First Baby Boy needed me….

 

Written to you my Lord, With hopes that you can help me understand!

 

From Samantha (Mommy)

 

 

 

 

Samantha, your words make me cry.  Every candle you light, every thought you write down on this page. I wish I could rewind the clock and bring your baby back to you. It hurts me that you are in so much pain.  I am so sorry that you have to live with not knowing why this had to happen.  I am SURE that you were a wonderful Mother to your beautiful son.  Please, please know this.  Stay strong for your other beautiful son.  Nic Nic lives through him. Nic Nic lives through his Dad, and most of all Nic Nic lives in your heart. 

Love,
Cousin Melissa

My love, I was thinking about the time we spoke about Harry and Farije... and how life does not ever guarantee life or even death.. I taught you on a frequent basis what to do and not to do if in the event me or daddy or both passed away. You would always freak out and say Mom, Please..... I can't imagine, I dont think I could breathe without you mom.... I needed to  know that you would be okay with mikey... You would listen intensely and repeat the do's and don'ts and tell me Mom... Please don't ever die on me .. not until you are at least 100 years old.. I won't be able to breathe without You.. I cant breathe just thinking about it... I promised you that I would always be there... I would move heaven and earth to be there for my Boyz... My Love, I needed to feel confident that you would be capable of being strong, smart and head strong for yourself and Mikey... You would tell me Mom, Dont ever worry about Mikey, he will always be my # 1 Priority... and I know he is your # 1 Priority...  You were supposed to watch him grow... You made plans with him to hang out and do crazy things together.. YOu frequently told him.. " Mikey, when you get older, its gonna be about you amd me Kid" .,, I am so sorry My Love, He will never get to see that day come!

 

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO very sorry My love, that I was not chosen to take your place... Your Love and work was not done here.... your passion for life was cut short.. I am never going to see you go to your prom, see you graduate from high school, you so desperately wanted to graduate with your friends. I am never going to see you go off to college, become the architect you have so desired to become. Daddy and me will never get to see you taking over his business as you planned to do..

MY Love, I will never see you get into your car and drive away happy , I will never see your driver license, your Wedding Day, the Day we were supposed to dance together to our song.. Your Babies, that you already had planned to have for me... Your two girls.. Angelina and Haley and your Son NICO... It seems a lifetime ago, when we were talking about my grandchildren.. and how I told you to give me 2 granddaughters first , so I could spoil them rotten.. You said, Mom... what about my Son, I said to you... Oh, Nico.. I will think about spoiling him... you got crazy,,, Mom, PLEASEEEE... I started to laugh and then you started to laugh.. and then you said.. Mom, I know that all of my children are going to be loved like you love me... and thats a whole lot.. you knew me and the love I carried for you.. The love for your children would have only been that more intense and deep... I am sooooo sorry my love , I will never get to see them...

I am so sorry My Love, that you will never get to see Amsterdam... with Scott and your friends..

I am sorry that Daddy will never get to see his First Son, who made him a daddy; grow into a man and take over his hard work... His work has always been with you and Mikey in mind... I am sorry we did not get to go to Sandals Resort as we planned for this summer.. I am sorry, my love that I did not see, and I did not know you needed me...MY Soul, I ache inside knowing you were alone... My Love, I can't breathe just thinking that you needed me and no one called..I pray that you were not crying or scared... I pray that you closed your eyes and went to sleep and Grandpa and Harry, Farije, Bute and Mark came to greet you... I am tormented with these thoughts my love...

 

MY love, I hope from the depths of my being that the dignity of your life and death is handled with Justice... YOu are my Soul, THE AIR THE I BREATHE!!!! I love you! My Love I am sooo Sorry! 

 

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Although I never met Nick I do live in the area and read about him.

 I do understand the pain and sorrow of losing a child, I to lost my son.

I will keep you in my Heart,Thoughts and Prayers Now & Forever.

Love,

Cathy ^Kenny^ & Buffys Mom

http://memoriesofkenny.homestead.com/index.html

I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets
of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to me
and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
There was only one set of footprints.
I realized that this was at the lowest
and saddest times of my life.
This always bothered me
and I questioned the Lord
about my dilemma.

“Lord, you told me when I decided to follow You,
You would walk and talk with me all the way.
But I'm aware that during the most troublesome
times of my life there is only one set of footprints.
I just don't understand why, when I needed You most,
You leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child,
I love you and will never leave you
never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints
it was then that I carried you

Thank you both for inviting me to celebrate your son's life.  I wish that I could have had the opportunity to meet him in this life, but I am patient and will get my opportunity soon enough.  I look at Nic's pictures and see my Dad, his  Great Uncle Richie.  Nic could have played a young Frank Sinatra in a movie because he was so beautiful and Italian. Nic probably would of thought of me as a geek, just like my daughter Sarah for saying that, but whatever.  Samantha, stay strong.  I know every day hurts, and it will forever. 

I know the pain you are going through. I know it will never go away. I want to "Thank You"

for being always there for our family when it was most needed. Samantha, Nicky & Mikey. Please remember

we will always be here for you also, Nicky was loved and now so deeply missed.

Samantha, 

I just wanted you to know.

Nic Nic will  be with you wherever you go.

He’s gotten my wings and learned how to fly.

And he’ll dry your tears whenever you cry.

Though he went away and it seems you’re apart.

He will forever be your soul and your heart.

The love that you shared will not go astray.

For deep in your  heart it will always stay.

He held you close when you were filled with pain.

And his smile gave you sunshine when your life filled with rain.

He guided you when no one else could.

He protected you when no one else would.

You've shared so much that mere words can't express how knowing him has made you feel truly blessed.

Fret not for him, for now his soul is truly free.

Think of him often, as much as you can.

And He'll always be there to hold your hand.

I'll be your angel and guide you through life.

He'll give you comfort through torment and strife.

He will always be your son and your best friend.

Love always,

Alana

I have left my heart with you,
So don't you ever cry.
The love that's deep within me,
Shall reach you from the stars,
You'll feel it from the heavens,
And it will heal the scars

 

Michael, your brother loves you so much! You will grow to take every opportunity that Nic Nic did not have a chance to, except now he does. And everything that you do will be twice as great because it is both of you walking through this life. NicNic will guide you and protect you now as he always has. Remember always that NicNic is your angel and protector.

I love you,

Alana