Nicholas Marty Nespolini

My Soul, I was just thinking about how you were able to forgive or should I say Forget for the good of things. I wish that I had it in me right now to forgive but I cant. YOu see my love, nothing Good comes from this forgiveness.... You were always able to look beyond the wrong and extend your hand out and shake anothers hand like a man... regardless of what went on... I think about that and I ask myself if I would be able to do the same with her... but I can't ... and I am sorry that I can't...

She Could have helped you when you told her that you werent feeling well but she didnt.. she let you down.. you were right when you said she did not have your morals... She let a beautiful angel with so much life and love in him for everyone just die... I dont understand why she did that... When I told Mikey what happened...He put his head down, and looked up and said " I dont understand Mom, Why didn't she call 911?" I was asked if there will ever be a day that I can see her as an immature kid, and that could have happened, but you see my love, Mikey as you know is 7 years old... and if he knows to call for help, Why didn't she... I know you told her that you were having trouble breathing because you were looking for help... My Love, although you knew she did not have your morals you still trusted that she would do the right thing ( as you would have done for a stranger- let alone someone you knew) and she didn't.. She heard your breathing got shallow as she stated, but that wasn't enough for her.. Her decision has managed to destroy my life, mikeys and daddy's and all of your Family & friends life in a matter of a few hours. The worst part my love, She goes around telling people lies about what happened to you.. she tells people everything other than the truth... Her lies continues to make my life a living hell... A hell that I can only hope she doesnt face.. Hasn't she done enough? Why does she continue to lie and manipulate what happen to you... ? When will she see that her lies are damaging so many people. I ask you My Love, That I am not there when her lies are mentioned. I am like a hair strand that is on a verge to break.. Please be there when that day comes my love..... Stop me!

 

Did you not tell her the love you had for Jen and how she was your first true love and how you still loved her, She failed to see the happiness you carried for yourself and everyone you knew, Did she forget that you told her that MIKEY is your #1 priority and how much you loved him, She also failed to remember how much you loved me... (You so frequently told her as you did to many other people,,, ) Or how you and your Dad were best friends... and how you looked forward to getting your car( you were just shopping for it, YOu were excited to go and get it)  and moving in with Scott upstairs, or going to college and taking over your dad's business, or maybe about how you needed to help others that were in need...or the Love you had for your family, you were so loved, you were loved because of the love you were able to provide to everyone, Maybe she chose not to see that you were excited about starting the ultimate fighting with your Godfather, or maybe the ACTing that you started to pursue again, Or your grandmother who called you her prince.. her life, her King... or the love you had for your friends...The Love for your other Brother Cordero and Scott, Phil, Cody and so one...The list goes on...or maybe she failed to see the strangers that you helped and the impoverished people that you enjoyed shedding hope to, or Maybe she forgot how you sat at the precinct to make sure she was ok when she was arrested.. My Love, She has also failed to see what her pathetic lie would do to many people.... I dont know my love, if I can forgive.. Please ask God to understand.....

 

My Love , MY soul, you are the flesh of my flesh, the heart of my heart and the light of my soul... I will forever love you and yearn for the day that I will be in your arms again. PLEASE HOLD A PLACE FOR ME and Tell God for me that I am really trying to understand...! In the mean time, We will continue your Love , desire to make it right for others by reaching out and providing Love through your foundation of hope.

I LOVE YOU!

hey nick. i look at this website and cry because i miss you, your hugs, your advice, EVERYTHING. but i have to also smile, because i was so lucky to know you and to share memories with you. to always have someone there to protect me. and catch me. you werent blood related to me, but you might as well have been because i saw you as part of my family, part of my heart. and now my heart hurts. because when i need your hugs with a side of depression cookies there not there. you know i remember everytime i was feeling down whether it was over a broken heart or my outfit not matching to even simpler things, you were ALWAYS there. and you NEVER said they were to big or too small. you just helped me take care of it. you got a box of entemines soft chocolate chip cookies aka "depression cookies" and we sat there eating  talking. you just had a way of making me feel better. you were always there. ive always had a biological brother who was there for me. but he also had high school his life and then the marines. no matter what he was there to help me but sometimes too far for me to feel safe or loved. every girl needs a big brother. and to me you fit into that . you watched over me called me to make sure i was fine made sure i knew what was wrong n right. made sure i never picked up cigarettes or alchohol. u made sure i knew i could come to you. you were always an angel. and now i feel lost without you. without a best friend, a brother. i feel like my biological brothers far, hes all the way in the marines. but your even further, your in heaven. so i feel alone. i know your here but at times i get that empty aching feeling in my heart, that doesnt fade. and when people say it gets easier, i dont believe it. i feel like a little kid who just got their ice cream taken away, and is waiting for it back, instead im a girl whos waiting for her best friend back. i love you very much. forever. and im always here. so i hope youll pay me a visit or 2, or everyday. une due tu shum xoxo.

Hey Bud, Just deeply thinking about you and of our memories together. I wish there were more we could share together. Don't go building memories with any angels up there! wait for me so that we can continue where we left off my love... Hey,  Mikey told me something this morning.... But I think he wants it to be a secret.. YOu know what it is... Just wanted to say THANKS BUD.... You are really keeping your promise.. I Love you so much.. I know you know how much we loved you, there was not a day that went by that we did not tell you how much you meant to us.  YOU ARE THE AIR THAT I BREATHE, and you always will be.

 

Nic nic i come to this site every day and i go to write and i cant bring myself to because words cannot describe the love you brought into this world and how you touched everyones lives. I cry every day nic. i cant sleep (as usual) but its gotten worse. i cant focus on anything. Ive known you for so long. Im so used to you being so close. Like what my mom said i remember you just walking into my house and coming up to my room. sometimes you would scare the hell out of me because you were so quiet sneaking up the stairs lol. you followed me around all the time and you were always looking up to me. after a while i was lookin up to you because you grew so fast. I see you and your family as my family and i will always see you as the little brother i never had. It kills me when i walk outside my house and i dont see you. The other day i was sittinng on my steps and i saw mikey playing with the hose and i had to console myself because that was an instant flashback! He looked just like you. Although we hung out with different crowds as we grew up i still saw you around the neighborhood and i remember your mom tellin me all these fights you would get into, i felt so protective of you for some reason. There was never a dull moment with you around. The memories just keep flashing from us running up and down the block playing our weird games, and when i used to sneak up from behind you and you would make fun of me when i was going through the weird "goth phase" as you would call it. I would walk outside and see you on the corner, we would start bsing and i would walk away and i knew it was coming. i would hear you come running up from behind me..after a while i caught on and used to just hand you a cigarette before you said anything lol. I can even remember the very last time i saw you. standing by your garage, you gave me a hug and i said you knoww nic you live one house aaway and we dont chill anymore! i told you id come over and show you some more stuff on the guitar and we agreed to chill very soon. If i would have known you were gonna leave this world two days later i would have hugged you tighter, i would have stared at your eyes a little longer. Id give anything to see your face again. I know you are with us all nic nic you have become everyones gaurdian angel. Please guide your mom and dad and mikey, i love them so much! me and my mom are here for them always. I have dreams about you constantly. I feel you all around and it is the only thing that gives me comfort. Today i put on my itunes and a song that reminds me of you kept playing and bugging out the song kept skipping back ..thats never happened..that was you messing with me! haha keep visiting me nic nic, i can sure use the comfort.

i love you alwayssss and always, <3 sissy

i come to your site everyday but i cant bring myself to write anything because then that will mean that i am accepting that your never coming back and thats still something that i'm not ready to do.  It breaks my heart to see how much you mom and family is hurting and nick all i ask of you is for you to give them the strength especially your mom to be strong.  I still remember the last time i saw you when you came to my house and i was surprised to see you smoking and all those tattoos lol or when you use to come over my house and my mom would bother and torture you lol.  we were suppose to get married so i can make your mom part of my spanish family lol. i love you and miss you . til we meet again

To the soul of my soul, the heart of my heart, the flesh of my flesh, you are the light of my life, the Gift that gave my soul the serenity and peace to be whole, I miss you.. and I love you unconditionally forever.

My Love, It is gonna be 2 months, yet it seems like a lifetime (Eternity/Forever) that I have not seen your face. I am soooo lost without you. I dont know where to begin to describe my pain. I miss hearing your voice, my love. Just to hear you call my name would help me get through another day. I need to hear you, see your beautiful eyes, to touch your face, to hug you and never let you go, I need you to kiss my face and whisper I love you mom in my ear.  I need you more than I can describe. You were my rock my love, from the first day I ever saw your face.  I wish we could have Closed our eyes together. I am so sorry that I am not with you. I always promised you that I would always be there for you, I am sooooo sorry my love, I didn’t know that you needed me. I am sorry that you counted on someone to help you and you were let down. I am sorry and very angry that someone did not see your life as a precious commodity as I do. I am sorry that you were led to these evil people who did not find your life and all the good you did as important as your family and friends do. Most importantly my Love, I am sorry that I can not move heaven and earth to be there with you. I can only hope and pray that My eyes will forever close, and I can see you again forever.  I cant imagine an entire life without you. I can only hope that you have been talking to God, and asking him to spare me this pain and bring me home into your arms. You know that your were always home for me. Even though you were my baby, It was you, even as a baby, that made me feel home and safe.  You provided me the strength to overcome. It was you, who gave me my ground when I thought I was standing in quick sand. It was you, who I depended on when I needed a shoulder to cry on. It was you……… My Love, I am angry, I am hurting, I am Lost , But I am so proud of you, I AM SO PROUD OF the man you became so early in your life. I am proud of the integrity you carried, the pride, the perseverance to help others, I AM SO PROUD OF YOUR LOVE, it was so pure.. I am proud of your heart that was filled with inspirations of making it right for others. I am SO PROUD of the Brother you were and are to Mikey. I am Proud of your loyalty to Us, Mom and Dad and to all of your family & friends. YOUR LOVE FOR US ALL RAN DEEP, beyond your soul.  I LOVE YOU!!!!

iimissy0uh niicky; ii cnt believe y0ur gone. Wat happen y0uh was suppose to come to my house. Y0uh was the one who taught me cheats to video games. ill get introuble for y0uh; printin out pages and pages of cheats to bet the video games. NOw to noe that y0uh are GONE ii dnt dare to touch the video games y0uh left here. Even though y0ur gone y0ur still in y0ur love ones hearts. On saturdaii ii was at westchester square dropin off gena at the train and ii so y0ur picture. I yelled to my mom look and we parked across the street to look at y0ur picture we wld off stood longer but then the cops cme and my mom got scared. Now when i go to waterberry ill remember me aad y0uh hiitin each otha wit water ballons at every direction and as hard as we can. or wen y0uh had fiireworks and me sparked them infront of my house.....Or the last time ii saw y0uh....

3.29.09

Nickkk,

I miss you soo muchh. &+ itss been exactally one month since i lastt saw youu. &+ i've been falling aparrt latelly. More than i have beforee. Nick but the worstt part is that my tearss wont fall half the time and its just eating at me insidee. Nick i miss you soo soo much. Right now its pouring rain. &+ i just had my head out my windoww thinkingg... nick i just went through all the stuff i have saved &+ i read your letter &+ i just cant do thiss. Nickk.... like you said "waiting for you is killing me" well waiting for the day i get to meet you again is tearing me up. I miss you soo god damn much. &+ theres not a moment when im not thinking of you. Nick the thought that i'm never going to look into your amazing eyes is heartbreaking. Nick the pictures dont capture your eyes right, its not the same.. your eyes told me so much about the person you aree; i miss looking into them. Nick everyday something that you said to me pops back into me head and make shure i burn it into my memory so i will never forget it.  Nick, you never once failed to make me happy. I could be in the worst mood and i would go to you and just hearing you say my name make me calm down and find myself again. Nickk i've lost myself comppletly since you left. I'm finding less and less joy im my life &+ i find it hard to be happy, even when i know i should be. Nick im just realizing now how much you knew about me that i didnt. The things that im thinking now are you said about me and my life before. &+ when you said them i didnt believe themm. Nickk you said things to be like " you have no friends"... you were right i dont. i told you your the only one i trust 100% and i will still say that even today... Nick you once yelled at me.. telling me to get my head outta my ass... i said it wasnt.. it was. &+ i'm so soorry that i denyed that.. Nick you said that my eyes told you who i was, or somthing along those lines... when i look in the mirror i see what you mean, my eyes look different now... &+ you would notice it.. No one elese does. Nickk you once asked me if it was all a lie.. IT WASNT &+ i never made the clear to you... &+ with eveything in mee.. i wish i would of. Nick you siad to me " i thought u would be diffeerent from every1 elsse" Nick i am.. at least i believe i am. Some girls out there wouldnt chase what they wanted... i would. some girls wouldnt do anything to get what they wanted... i would. some girls trust no1 but there "girlfriends"... im not like that i trust you more than i trust them. Nickk today i went and took a walk with ashlee, just around the neighboorhood.. we were talking about you. She told me about the night we meet, when i left &+ you told her you liked her friendd.. that was me.. &+ she said she'd set us up.. Nickk i never knew you liked me since you meet me..? Did u no i liked you since i meet you too?.. i still do. Nick do u remeber the night where u kinda yelled at me whn i i would anwser ur calls cuz i was out and i didnt wnt 2 see you cuz i felt i looked like shit? you called jen &+ came to where we were... you kinda yelled at me &+ told me never to do that again.. because you wouldnt care what i looked like.. &+ you looked at me and were like you look amazing... i misss that. Nick... i remeberr the night i bought u tht eyebroww ringg? haha. u laughed all nighht.. ahha i miss your laugh.. Nickk do u rememeber asking me to meet you on barkleyy? AHAAHHA  nickkk i miss you more than word could ever describee... i find myself askingg asking myself during classes if you knew what i was learning... Nick i cant wait until i meett you again i really cantt. i want to be in your arms again.... i need to be, that the onlyy place i ever felt happinesss, i felt thats where i belonged. Your the only one who made me feel that way, &+ you will always be the only one who makes me feel that wayy. Nickk for some reason i think that when you left us you sent me some of your temper, because im finding my temper to be so much more like yours..... call me crazyy.. Ohh wait you already have.. =/ Nick i used to live for the days i got to see you, hang out w. you, hear your voice, or just simply talk to you onlinee... what do i live for now?... nick i need some of your crazy but true advicee again... Nicholas Nespolini, i know forever is a very very long time and forever includes what happens after my deathh...  but nick i'm going to love you forever.. no matter what happens. &+ nick i'd never lie to you.. never have never will. Nickk my two favorite memorys with you was: when were we in ashlees house and you where just sitting there while i was washing ashlees hair you were sitting on that while chair spinning around and i went to pretend hit you and u grapped my arm and just hugged me &+ the second was when we were in your room with ashlee and cordero. and you were holding me and mikey keep comming in and you were getting soo madd and you yelled and him and he like walked away upset and you got up and said ill brb and i was guessing that you went to talk to him, i know how much you love him, well anyways you can back and we were just talking and i wouldnt face you and then u were like look at mee and im like noo but you turned me around and looked at me and was likee y is ur heart beating so fastt.. and i just put my head in your cheastt.. and thenn youu keep telling me to look at youu and i did but i wouldnt take my clip out of my mouthh.. you goo soo fustrated. you did sum thtt go me alil mad so i turned around 2 and u sat up looked at me and then grapped my wristt and fliped me on my backk...

Nickk i miss you so much and i wish we could have more memories like these.. nick im never going to forget you and never letting you go, never... your always goona be the light buring inside mee, you will always be the fire and love in my heart. Nickk your the only reason my eyes light up, the only reason my eyes twinkle.. "When the sun shines we'll shine together. Told you i'll be here forever, said i'll always be your friend. Took a oath; ima stick it out to the end" <l3* NOT a single day will go by where i will not think of you.. I love youu &+ i miss you soo muchh.

Nickk your always going to tattoo head to me...

I miss you i love you,

Christine Flood<3

Nespo this is the first time ever writin to you its juss been hard lookin at pictures cuz i really miss you i have so many memories with you ........like the first time i met you at phils playin halo smakin eachother wit peanut butter lol or that time you went to mcdonalds 4 me n scott n u drop scotts chicken in a puddle n let him eat it lmaoo.......i miss you climbin on top of lizzies to get the handballs n u leetin me throw my cigs in yer mouth lol that was good times.....we use to slapbox we never got our rematch.....you shown up at my house randomly to get stoges n go to tha gym .......everyday i wake up n look at my couch n juss remember tha day you were drinkin tha beer that was in my closet n goin to danas sweet 16 n almost fightin all the mp kids you are my brother.... i remember we had our own werd for eachother we use to say dirrrrrrrrrrrrrtyyyyyyyyyyyyy lol.......... we had mad good times n no1 will ever b like you........you were 1 of a kind i would take a bullet 4 you i fuccin miss you

Nickk... i miss you soo much, and i cant believe you gonee.. everyday i miss you more and more and everyone keeps sayying its going to get better but i dont feel it i dnt feeel it at all. Nickk i miss you soo much and i keep thinking this is one big nightmare.. but then i realize it isnt and i get sick to my stomach.. the only thing that keepps me going this that im constally feeling you presence when i want to break downn. i smeell, feel and hear you. I know somepeople think im kinda crazy, when i tell them that your w. me butt i honestlyy dont care, becausee you knoww that im crazyy and i always will be. Nickk theres a million and one things in the neighboor hood that remind me of you and when i see them i get upset, but then i sudennlly want to smile because the memories we have together replay in my mind over and over.. Nickk i might rememeber somethingss that you probally dont because almost every convo we had together i remeber.. Nickk the memories of you that replay in my mindd over and over, like the time you me monica and cody snuck backk into my house after my parents left, or when i was babbysitting and you ran up the block with ashlees flagg, or whenn i bought you your eyebrow ringg, orr evn those prank calls i got at 3 in the morning, or the night monica slept over and youu begged us to sneak out and wlk 2 barkley, but i was scared to wlk in the dark so we just stayed on the fone talking, ohh godd.. i wishh i came out when you wanted me too.. i wishh i woulda just walked out of my house to see you... =/ I remeber the night in the summer when u asked me 2 come out andd i couldnt cuz my aunts alarm was onn.. =/ u called everynight 4 a weekk.. &+ i would come outt. i hate myself for that. of about about when you taught me how to smoke? haha u laughed at me=] ahhh i miss you laughh.

Nickk it sickens me that i knoww deep inside that no one will ever make me feel the way you made me feel, nickk i will never feel that way again, i know it. Nickk i'd do anything too get you back, i'd give everything and anything. Nick you made me feel like i was on top of the world, nickk no1's gonna make my heartbeat the fast again, no1s arms are going to make me feel like im in heaven again. &+ i know it, maybe someone will come closee, but no1 is every gonna make me feel like you did. &+ it get me so upsett.. becuase i love the way you make me feel.

i dont understand why this had to happen? and i dont think im ever gonna truly understand it. Nickk i wish you were here, i think we all need you right now.. soo much it happening and you deffinallly up there looking at us saying "what are you doing, ....." but nick idk wht to do.. and no1 really does. Nickk eveyone has a different way of dealing w. this and i understand that butt some of this things ppl do tick me off. &+ omgg when i see someone happy i feel the need to hit them.. idk y i fell like i wanna kill themm, i get so hot headed.. =/ its annoying.

Nickk, i want you to know that i love you and everything i promise you i will stick too. I will always look out 4 mikeyy. and i will always wait for the day where i get to meet you again, actally im gonna prayy for the day we gett to meet again. Nick i feel like a complete differnent person since you left and i dont think im going to be that old christine again, i know i said i wanted to changee but this is not how i wanted myself to change...

Nickk i wil love youu forever and ever and noone i meet is ever going to make me love you anyless</3 rip my tattoo head, my simba, my 21,my 1st and only love<3*