Nicholas Marty Nespolini

nick, i had a dream with you last night, as ive had before. and the nights i dream with you are the only nights i sleep, because it feels so real and i dont wanna wake up to realize its not ='(. last night in my dream im guessing, i saw you in the middle of the night in my doorway standing there, but in spirit form, and you smiled at me and my heart felt so much better. and then for some reason my rubberband popped off my hair and like flew and the only reaonn im questioning if its a dream is because i woke up with a popped rubberband on my dresser and because it felt so real. nick i miss you so much there isnt a day i dont shed millions of tears for you, wishing hoping praying youll come back. its so hard to believe because your just too great to be gone, and because i dont wanna believe it. my heart just doesnt feel the same, everyday its harder and harder, because on top of you not being here, the problems that i would have turned to you for help with, just keep piling up. i always thought i knew how a broken heart felt, but trully i didnt until  january 30th. i wish clocks could turn backwards and give us all the time we need. i know you know this because i know your up there watching us, but i wanna tell you i found the picnic basket. remember me you and jenn went for our picnic in veterans parks for her birthday, i know me and my corny ideas, but god i miss that. we had so much fun, btw i found that i hadnt cleaned those dishes that we used in the basket but i kept them all i couldnt throw away that memory or any memory.  i had another picnic the other day, me and john. we had sparkling cyder and all in my basement. after we ate he had to go home to eat again, but i invited you to sit with me while i was alone. i miss you so much. do you remember i would loose my keys all last year and youd come home to find me doing hw or sleeping on your couch =) . yeah i lost my keys the other day and had to stay at your house for a while. your house still has your sent and i love it because i can just feel your there. your brothers your little twin and i promise ill always watch him. and your parents remind me so much of you. its so great to hear all your memories its just feels like your alive again. i cant stop crying every time i talk to you or think of you, like now. breathing feels so hard to do now, the simplest things i never payed attention to, are so difficult, i know your always gunna be here for all of us. but i miss your hugs and you banging at my door for bustelo anything. if i look at scott i remember that night you both were in your back room yelling at me 3am for bustelo, me and amanda. i remember cooking all summer for you and your mom, or you and cord, any possible thing reminds me of you. theres a can of bustelo in my cabinet i have not touched but i promise when i make some for me ill make some for you too. i promise anywhere i go ill make room for you anything i do ill  make sure theres something there for you to do to. god nick this is so hard, i make 16 june and you were supposed to be there, being your crazy self raving on my bus. nick i love you and ill say it a thousand times i want you to know that. you became family to me, knocking out on my couch eating dinner here calling me from my house phone to get my butt home saying it was to late to be out. i look out my window everynight remembering everytime we sat outside our windows talking getting bit by mosquitos throwing lollipops giving advice planning to put a cord from my room to your room to send things back and forth and talk over. i hate leaving my house because i feel like being here and your house are the closest places to be with you. i cant find any hoodies of yours because you took them home to wash =( so now i have nothing to hug to go to sleep . this so hard. i remember last year april 21, we went to patricias for you birthday me your granparents and cousin. you knocked on my door and said were going to patricias hurry up. every memory is on replay in my head and there the only things that keep me together. you never let me do anything wrong, and i thank you for that, you taught me so much i love you nick. une due tu shum. for always! love always ashlee alyse.

Nic nic I am happy I saw you in my dream again for a brief moment but I felt your breath in my ear as you were telling me a secert. I thought for that moment as if you were hear and not gone. I knew I was dreamimg but your presence was so real.

I got your message I will tell your mom & dad.

Tuna Nic nic said your sernity, soul & sanity is home and to feel at peace here at home is for you mom to go and get the answers dont sit and wait mom you know where to start.

Nicky Nic nic said what ever your thinking dont, each of them has something waiting for them and it will be you and mom that will uncover all the answers your looking for and dad show mikey everything you taught me and kiss him every night too and jerry says hello to you both.

i look at you nick nick isaw your father i love yous bouth rest in peace

Nic Nic As I read everyone's memories I think back to my memories of you , the cutest little peanut that walked into my house sat on the floor, watched TV and played video games with Gemma almost everynight. Nic you were so sweet you just fit right into our lives. You came into the house quite as a mouse following Gem around like a little brother. When you got bigger you came
over to play and  sometimes I didn't even know you were in the house you would just be here just like family .you loved to have cookies with Gem, and on the weekends you would come over with your cousins , you guys would run through the house in the front door and out the back. You would come over even if Gemma wasn't home and Mike would do magic tricks for you , you would ask a million questions and look at me and say" oh man how did he do that"!  , we would laugh and then I would walk you outside to mommy. Then all of a sudden one day I had to look twice you had grown so big and so handsom I couldn't beleive you were a teenager .Some times you would be walking toward me and I would say is that Nic Nic ?  , and I remember Gemma saying to me , Mom have you seen Nic Nic he got so big. !I laughed at her she sounded so protective. Nic I have memories of a beautiful  boy that never in a million years would I think we would be writting memories because he was no longer with us. I want to scream because of the pain I see your family in ,the pain your Mom and Dad are in is unbearable to watch , I cry for my own pain and sadness. Gemma and I spoke about you the other day she never sleeps anymore she wakes up not able to breathe I tell her she needs to scream and cry and let it out, she very quietly just said  Mom, I'm  heartbroken ,and I can't get myself together. Nic I think  everyone is feeling their own heartache missing you and it  shows what kind of person your Mom and Dad raised , although your time here was short , it was certinly impressive. So young to have touched so many lives. I will miss you forever, I will believe you are one of Gods special Angels.. I now pray very hard that you can help Mom and Dad from above and guide michael through life without you.  love you NIC always , Carol

 To my sweet boy ninick, I met you at michelles communion at my house and you were sitting in my dining room and you kept looking at nicole every where she went. I asked nicole whos that cute little boy in the corner smiling at you. So nicole introduced me to you and told me you were ninick. You were so very politle and respectful. From that day I met you I felt a special bond with you like you were my son. We could talk about anything. I always looked forward to you coming over and hanging out with me and my family on our deck. I just cant believe that god could take such a sweer boy away from his family and friends. I think about you everyday and cry about you whenever I look at your picture on my plant windowsill that you used to love. I remeber the day my bell rang and i opened the and there you were standing there I said ninick what did you do and you stuck your tounge out and I started smacking you after I saw the big piercing in the  middle of your tounge. I started yelling at you at telling you your moms gunna kill you when she finds out. I told you to go home and tell her. But you said no that I was right she was gunna kill you. I will miss your beautiful face and smile that warmed everyones heart once you walked into the room. My heart aches for you knowing that I will not see you angel like face till we meet again in heaven. I know your everyones guardian angel and your watching over them. p.s Im gunna miss our little cigarette sessions on my stoop. Spring and summer wont be the same without you here. I love you my sweet boy.

 Wow it seems like only yesterday I was 7 years old when my sister introduced me to you and she said to me " this is ninick" I said to her what kind of name is that and you and her just looked at me and laughed. There are so many memories I have of you me my mom and my sister. One of my favorite times was when we were in front of your house it was me you and my big sis Nicole I was still mad little. And we had the biig bottle of orange soda and outta no where this kid John Anthony comes down the block takes it outta your hand while your drikin and dumps it out. I remeber this memory clearly because of the shocked look you had on your face. And what you said was " ARE YOU CRAZY WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT." I remeber everyday I would walk home from school and when you saw me you would yell at me to go home because you didnt want me to get in any trouble. I always looked up to you as a brother and honestly thats what you really were to me. You were the only one out of all my sisters guy friends that always treated me like a little sister. I still cant believe your gone im still expecting you to ring the doorbell right now to come chill with me and my mom. Even though we cant see you in person your always here in spirit and our hearts. - love always Michelle Reo.

I was tinking about the time I sent you to Florida with Papa and Nicole. You drove down there, and for 24 hours that it took for you to get there, I was beside myself. I was crying and felt like my soul was breaking because you were so far away from me. It was the first time I ever let you go anywhere without me. I remember the following day, I went to work, and all I did was cry and tell my boss and his wife that I was lost without you. I didn't have the money to buy a ticket to go to florida. That evening I recieved a call from Junior and low and behold they paid for my trip to go and be with you. You were gone 2 full days before I left to be with you... Couldnt make it without you and you were just in Florida.. (cant make it without you now, I cry so much.. but there is no ticket or airplane that can take me to you) I remember papa let me hide in the closet.. When you came in from the pool he insisted that you go to the closet... I remember you said." papa (stuttering) why do I have to go to the closet... so he convinced you to go and get changed... When you opened the door and saw me there you jumped on me and hugged me and started crying... You said " Mommy don't ever leave me or let me go anywhere without you again, I miss you so much" " Mommy I couldnt sleep with out you... Then you started singing the BAckstreet Boys song to me.... little did you know How crushed I was without you... I never let you go anywhere without me again... You were by my side everywhere I went...

Even when you got older.. I didnt let you sleep anywhere.. I could never rest without you...

Now, I am so tired.. My body, my soul, my heart and my entire being is in constant pain for you.. I cant rest without you.. I am dead, yet I am not with you...

 

 

 

nickkk! i misss youuu . my absolute favorrite memorryyy is when me you scott && alex went to the diner at 5am & my mom flipped out & picked mee up . youu called my phone to talk to my mom soo i come back like 15 mins later to find my mom still on the phone with you talking about her getting up to level 20 on her ipod game thingg hahaha & then i hear her laughinggg i was likee maa r yuu flirting with my friend right now lmaoo she wss like stfuu anngg but anyways you and scott convinced her to drive me backk to yourr house with yourr crazzy ass charmm you havee lmfaooo ..  i remmber the first dayy i met youuu youu were soo quiett just doingg graff & minding your ownn buisness untill alyssa askked yoouu what itt meant to toss a saladd lmfaooo thenyou thought we were the most disturbed girls ever hahah ahhh you randomly telling me to come outt and talk to you in below 7 degree weather - the biggest snow storm all winter just tooo talkk. and yourr random gossipp aboutt people doing the dirrtyy hahaaa .. i lovee youuuu<3

Nic Nic today was stange day at work in the morning I sat down at my desk as usual and I go on your site now to check who is posting candles or memories to you and I kept smelling cologne and first I thought it was my boss which is rare he wears cologne but he left on appointment and I started to smell it again so got up and went to the copier and the smell is there and I said to Laurie you smell it she say smell what I said that cologne and she said no she smells nothing. I told Laurie I smell cologne and I dont know where its coming from. A lady came in the office after that and I was sitting at my desk when she came in and she was the owner of the cleaning business and she came to do her rounds if the cleaning people are doing their job and she saw your button on me and asked who is that I and told her about you and what happened she pulls out her card and she takes my e-mail address and she told this lady Linda on gramatan ave in mt vernon speak to the other side without anyone saying anything to her. She also said not for I to wear your button when I go she is real good. I came home and told nena this and it dawned on me after that it was you giving me a sign for this women to get my attention. Nic for what ever the reason I will give this ladys number to your mom and dad to make an appointment and I Hope this lady can bring answers to your mom and dad that they need to hear...Just keep sending me any message in any form I will follow it..I love you so much nic nic it tares me apart that I cannot hug you kiss and yell at you when your mom calls and tells me something miss you sooooooooooooooooooo much...Love Teze

The first time I ever saw your face, you were looking around (wide-eyed ) and so curious the moment you came into this world. You were such a precious baby. You were a good baby. You were so good to me, you never cried, except the one time when you made me cry.. I think I cried more than you did that night. You slept through the nite and always on my chest right by my heart. I usually slept with one foot on the floor.. because I was scare I would roll over on you. I kept you near me every second of your life, until God took you to Heaven. I was so in Love with you the moment I saw your face, I could'nt breathe, my chest tight with emotions and at the same time in unexplainable awe of you. I kept you by my side in the hospital and cried when they took you into the nursery. Although, it was to provide you with care, to me it felt like they stripped me of my own being. I remember when you were only 2 weeks old when I was changing you.. I decided to do leg exercises on you, because I was told that It helped with gas (anything to prevent you from crying) I noticed your little baby butt sort of like swell and I didnt understand.. haha.. so i looked closely and much to my surprise you squirted out yellow poop, and it went into my mouth and up my nose. You always found that story funny... you used to ask me " Mom tell me about the time I shit in your mouth" hahahaha... you did and I didnt mind.. I still have the socks that you pooped on that day... I never washed them neither. I also remember when you were in first grade and you asked me what your middle initials stood for with your name... I told you it meant " Mother Fucker" nespolini... (You had my personality and humor).. much to my surprise, Nicole's mom and Melisa and Alice just recently told me that recently, they asked you the same thing and you responded, " My name is Nicholas Mother Fucker Nespolini... and you laughed... I remember when we were showering together.. You were about 5 years old. I accidentally dropped the soap and bent over to pick it up and you said MOM, your big ass is in my face.. and then you told Ms. Romeo, the next morning when she asked, " Nicholas how was your day" you said, it wasn't so good, because I was taking a shower with my mom, and she bent over and put her big ass in my face" you left me speechless and that was the last time we showered together. You paid me back for all the white lies I told you in more ways than I ever imagined possible.. you were so free spirited and like me, you found no shame in your game... speak how you feel and no holds barred...

I miss you so much, do you remember how we had the ability to read the eyes... I wish you could read mine right now.. Only you would be able to tell me what I am really feeling right now.. MY soul, I am broken and thats is a pretty mild word to describe what I am going through. Each moment is a moment tooo long without you.. It really seems like I have lived an eternity without you, and I am tired and ready to go home... I try so hard, because Mikey and Daddy are broken too.

My Soul, Please speak to Jesus and let him know that I am sorry I have been angry, It is not at him.. I am trying to have Grace... Please tell him I need as much Grace as he has available to give, Hopefully a whole lot... I REALLY NEED IT !!!!

 I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY... YOU and MIKEY ARE MY BUDDIES, MY LOVE, MY LIFE, MY EVERYTHING...