Nicholas Marty Nespolini

Hey Nic Nic.....I need you to know that I miss you more and more every minute of the day. Reality has set in that you are not going to come back even though I have prayed that this is just a long bad dream. It's been almost two months and only gets harder everyday. I wonder if you read all the great things I write to you, If you see when I cry for you, if you listen when I talk to you, or do you feel how much I miss you. My heart has a permanent scar and I will forever feel the pain of loosing you. I love you with all my heart Nic Nic.

 

Love always and forever

Jessi

nick i miss you so much. we used to be close and then we werent but idk how to explain it. i love you so much you we're such a great friend and as crazy as you got, you still made sure there was a smile on someones face before there was one on yours. we had some good memories and i miss them. i carry your memorial card whever i go, literally. i miss you so much and i looked at your memorial card kissed it and talked to you today before my math test. im pretty sure i passed it for once, so thanks for that lol. but yeah i miss you nespo. i can feel you with me everyday. please don't leave. i love you and you're forever in my heart <3

MY Love, yesterday I was by myself most of the day and it was hard. I could not stop crying and aching inside for you. I was looking at your pictures and your eyes and the realization that I was not going to see them looking at me in this life again just broke me. I thought I was going to crack... I dont know where to begin or where It will all end. I dont know why My Love, that you had to leave mikey, daddy and me. We had so many plans. The thought of not seeing your eyes and your beautiful smile or feeling your kiss on my face, cheek and neck or the thought of not feeling your hugs that made me feel whole and purely loved is beyond devastating for me.

I just hope from the depths of my being that you are loved in heaven, the way you knew how to love here. YOu were an amazing son, best friend and most importantly an amazing part of my soul. I will forver yearn to see you, feel you and hold you in my arms. I will forever yearn to smell you, kiss you, and most importantly look into your beautiful eyes. Your eyes were the mirror of your soul, they told me so much. More than you were ever able to say. Your eyes, just the way you looked at me, will always leave me yearning for them again. I love you till the depths of infinity.

I am so proud of you and I always will be. You are the sunshine of my eyes , the light of my soul and the pride of my life. I love you forever and ever.

Mikey today asked to wear your shirt. He needed you with him this morning. He woke up and looked at your picture and you could tell he choked up. He then asked if he could have his own pin. I placed the pin on his hoody and he rubbed your face and said I am ready to go to school. When he came home  from school he attended to his HW and then sat next to me. He asked if he could have a snack and then said, " mom, am I behaving like Nick?" and I said, you and nick were always the same. YOu are brothers and alot of what you do, he did and alot of what he did you do. You are Just like Nick and Nick is just like you.. Becuase the both of you are special boyz...

I knew that he asked because he misses you so f----- much that it really hurts me to see him go through this. He is too young to feel this pain... He is always worried now, that me or daddy are going to die too. He told me that before you went to heaven, he never was scared because he always knew he had his big brother and now he doesnt have you here with him.. and now he doesnt have any brother here with him...he said, what will I do mom if God takes you and daddy... where will I go.. I wont have Nicnic to be with anymore... and that put an additional strain on my chest and heart... Please, Please , be there for him more than anybody... your brother was your life and you were his... he always looked up to you and idolized you.. Please, ask god to always watch over Mikey.. He needs you and God right now...

I ache for him so much tooooo.... My LOves of my Life, you both will always be the soul of my soul, the heart of my heart, the blood of my veins and the breath of my life... Without you I am nothing... Mikey and Nick.. I love you forever.. Love you always Mommy...........

I miss you nic !! i miss your hugss and your kisses and the wayy you usedd to say i love you atleast 5 times before we got off the phone every time we talked! i miss how happy i used to get just to hear your voice or to see you. i need you back nic .. i really do .. i miss you soo much !! i love you ninic !! see you soon 4.21.92 - the day my family was blessed with an angel 1.30.09 - the day god decided to take him back :'(

nick, i think about you more & more each day. it isnt getting easier. i still want to break down and cry alll the timee. i need you hereee ; im going insaneee. i still want this to be a dreamm =*( i miss you so much. i think about all the timess we were together, they make me happy for one moment and the next im miserable because i will never have another memory with you. i wish you were here with me longerr =/ nick please stay with me. i want to feel you around mee & i knoww you are. dont ever leave me. i remember every dream i have of you nick. & some of them dont make sense but i dont care at least i get to see you there. i recently jsut thought of memorial day/my birthday. how we were playing beerpong & honestly i dont remember if we won or lost but im pretty sure we won a couple of times haha. all those shed days. you were automatically allowed in. scott never kicked you out ahah. ahh nickk i miss youuu sooo sooo sooo muchhh ! i cant believe this. i l0ve you soo muchhhh <3

My Love, It gets harder and harder each day. EAch minute seems like a lifetime tooo long without you. I dont know why I am facing life without you. All I do I do know my Love is ... is a selfish person whom I can only hope feels my  pain in 10 fold.

Please keep your light on so I can find my way home too....

I love you so much!

I love you , I miss you so much. You are the best brother I ever had.. Nic Nic the best brother, I love you sooooooooooo much. At the Funeral I was so sad. I was sad because I missed you, your friends missed you even champ misses you. Mommy, daddy and me misses you. Best Brothers forever and ever...... I love you sooooooooooooo much. My heart is broken without you nick. But I know that you are always with me right by my side and even when i sleep. I heard you watching TV in my room. I LY..Sleep with me Tonight NicNic...

My Love, I was really bad yesterday. I was missing you so much. I miss your beautiful eyes. The way you would look into mine when we spoke to eachother. I miss your " I Love you Mom" I love you more than life itself.. and thats huge mom..  You always knew the right words to say.. there were many times when you were my crutch.. because of you my love, I made it through many of my obstacles, Becuase of you my love I breathed, developed strength to overcome. Because of you, I am who I am... It was you, that taught me to be strong from the first time I layed my eyes on you.. and then it was me that taught you the same. I remember all the times we sat in bed, or in the car or outside just us.. talking about life, love, pain for others and a whole bunch more. You were incredible, you mastered it well Nick, When you told me that you were able to see the pain others had inside through their eyes... I used to tell you, that can be a blessing and a curse.. But, you always found a way to make it a blessing. You listened to me and never let a word pass you by.. When you promised me that you would never be selfish with your vision or what you heard.. you meant it.. Thanks for keeping your promise to me.

When I hear some of the stories the girls share with me.. I am not surprised. When I told you to never hurt any girl and never let anything happen to them, because to do so is to allow it to happen to your mom. To mistreat another girl is to mistreat your mom. I know How much you loved me... there was never a day that went by that we did not share our love, even when we didnt speak, your eyes and mine , said it all... the three S's always...

You were so perfect my love, when I was sick, you made sure I was taken care of... you always came to me to cover me, tuck me in and make me soup or tea or ask me if I needed something.. I knew how scared you were ...I saw it in your eyes.. you were always so worried something would happen to me... ( sometimes I fucked with you as I always did) and as Worried as your were as you know I always was too....It is amazing and divine to say the least.. that you could be me and me you... We were as one. I felt you inside of me in a way that often freaked you out.. you would say, " mom you are like a witch" and other times you would just say" mom I know because I can feel you too... this is crazy..

Now, I feel nothing, My love... My soul died the day you were taken from me. My entire being is lifeless and I cant function my love... I cant breathe, it hurts so much the air taken in, hurts my inner being. That is because you are not there to share it with me.

I can only ask you my Love, Please ask God to give me the stength to finish what I have to and to be there for me when my time comes. My love, I only want to be with you... I hope that my job gets done soon and I find my way home too.....

The words to the song on the video

Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young :


I've got a dream 'about an angel on the beach
and the perfect waves are starting to come
his hair is flying out in ribbons of gold
and his touch has got the power to stun

I've got a dream 'about an angel in the forest
enchanted by the edge of a lake
his body's flowing in the jewels alive
and the earth below is starting to shake

but I don't see any angels in the city
I don't hear any holy choirs sing
and if I can't get an angel
I can still get a boy
and a boy be the next best thing
the next best thing to an angel
a boy be the next best thing

I've got a dream 'about a boy in a castle
and he's dancing like a cat on the stairs
he's got the fire of a prince in his eyes
and the thunder of a drum in his ears

I've got a dream 'about a boy on a star
looking' down upon the rim of the world
he's there all alone and dreaming' of someone like me
I'm not an angel but at least I'm a girl

I've got a dream when the darkness is over
we'll be lying' in the rays of the sun
but it's only a dream and tonight is for real
you'll never know what it means
but you'll know how it feels
it's give me be over (over)
before you know it's begun
(before you know it's begun)
it's all we really got tonight
stop your crying' hold on (tonight)
before you know it it's gone (tonight)
tonight is what it means to be young
tonight is what it means to be young

let the rebels begin
let the fire be started
we're dancing for the restless and the broken-hearted
let the rebels begin
let the fire be started
we're dancing for the desperate and the broken-hearted

let the rebels begin
let the fire be started ...(tonight is what it means to be young...)
we're dancing for the restless and the broken-hearted...(before you know it it's gone...)
let the rebels begin
let the fire be started...(tonight is what it means to be young...)
we're dancing for the desperate and the broken-hearted...(before you know it it's gone...)

say a prayer in the darkness for the magic to come
no matter what it seams
tonight is what it means to be young
before you know it it's gone ...(tonight is what it means to be young...)
tonight is what it means to be young...(before you know it it's gone...)
before you know it it's gone

Nic nic I have so many memories of you they span the years I had you here with me, and also the nine months it took for you to be born. I remember when your mom told me she was gonna have a baby oh my god!!! I went crazy with joy. The first thing I said was can I have him, she laughed and said she would share you with me and she did. I remember the way you would fall asleep in my arms.  I remember they way your baby skin smelled the feeling of your hair. How you let me trim your nails without moving. I can see you taking your first taste of new foods and trying to speak your first words. I remember every detail of you. I loved to bite on the back of your head so perfect little head. My heart hurts and aches . You were such a happy baby you hardly ever cried, always had a big smile on your face. I remember your first day of school how nerve wrecked your mom and me were. Did anybody bother you!! was the teacher nice too you!! we were so worried. These questions were always asked throughout your life we drove you crazy with them. I remember when you first started to like girls and you would ask me and your mom questions, we would look at each other and try not to smile because some of the questions were so funny. Then you started to grow and I remember your mom made me run up to your house and I thought there was something really wrong. It turns out she was so shocked you started to grow hair adult hair on your body I laughed so hard her face was funny. These are just one drop in a bucket full of thousands of memories I share with you my Nic nic . I will remind you of more soon. I love you and I miss you I think of you always. I will talk to you soon. visit me in my dreams if you can.