My Jesus,

I reflect on every single cell of life and its happenings now. I see what I could have never imagined seeing. I hear what I sometimes rule out as unrealistic...I smell the gifts that often come by as a token of love.. I feel what not many have been born to feel..

I have fallen and you have lifted me up... You have given me the ability to reflect, see, hear, smell and feel even after falling to a place that no other should bear.

You held me up and carried me through the darkest of the darkest place and you remain to be the sole force that keeps me standing.

You have held my hand through all of my trials., you did so even when my heart was filled with the most darkest thoughts. You have held me in your arms (as heavy as I am) and nurtured me back to a place where I can learn the lessons of this life with a smile on my face even though the lessons came with the pain so deep within my heart.

I have cried to you and you have washed away my tears.
I was on the path of darkness and you lit up that path to the light of your love.
I thought of only persecution and you taught me redemption.
I remained steadfast towards destruction and YOU remained steadfast as my savior and very best friend. 

MY Jesus, I can not thank you enough for your undivided, unequivocal friendship and love.  
You have answered me in ways that others couldnt imagine.

My Jesus, I am needy and the foremost need I have is you., Please hold my hand through all of life's paths and never let go even when I appear to go astray. You are my driving force, because of you " I am"..

With the deepest love
Me~

Happy Birthday Nicnic , I can't believe you are going to be 21 years old.   My eyes won't see what a man you grew into but I know that you are Jesus's and everyone's perfect angel.  Nicnic I wish I can hug you on your birthday I would do anything just for everyone to have you here even if its just for that one day. Especially for mom dad Mikey and Bina. I just wish God could grant me that wish just so mommy and daddy could have you again. I love you so much and I miss you so much it hurts my soul to no end. I pray mother Mary has you under her wing until I get there then I take over. Nicnic I am sorry I am cring but I want you here with us.
I know you will throw a party like no other and party with everyone and all heaven will shake with thunder of joy and happiness of your 21st Birthday. Sparks will come down on us just as you blow your candles. Nicnic save me a seat I want to be there for your Birthday, will you be waiting for me at the door ? I hope you are because I will love to see those eyes looking back at me. So my sweet boy in the mirror I love you so much need to hug you on your birthday. Until we that one day have a wonderful 21st Birthday heaven has ever seen. Teze loves you so much and misses you to no end...hugs and kisses my bud... Love always Teze!

HAPPY NEW YEAR NICNIC!
Just a few days away and I know you are going to make Heaven rock and make sparks fly through the universe of Heaven. Nicnic I wish I can trade places with you so you can be here with mom, daddy, Mikey & Bina. I love you so much and miss you so much need to hug you and kiss your face, most of all smack your neck lol like I always did.  Bring sparks and light over your house for mommy, daddy, Mikey & Bina so they know your there. Nicnic you have no idea how I just want to reach out to heaven and pull you back to us. Sounds rediculous however; nothing is impossible  I hope I can because it will the best thing I would do on earth to bring you back home to us. Have a great New Year in Heaven and if you have time go to mom, dad, mikey & bina let them know you came by...love you more then words can explain, until we meet again Teze!

My love, My life, My everything~ I dont have to wish you a merry christmas because I know you are enjoying what we can only imagine exists, so I will only say dont enjoy too much without me. You know how passionate I am about missing a moment( just Kidding)...Take every second of heaven and consume it for both you and me.
When you were a baby, it was I who taught you how to walk. When you were growing up into a lil man, It was I who taught you how to be distinguished with your beuatiful personality. You grew into a young man and then you spread your wings and began to teach me lessons that I could not or would not have learned otherwise.
Every waking moment of my life I am taught by you. You showed me how to breathe and live after you left my world.. You showed me how to see life even after death. You showed me what others can only dream of... You, who I taught to walk, walks with me and teaches me how to live every second through everyday. You show me what I need to see and guide me where I am needed. You teach me different things every day. 

My baby stays awake while I am sleeping., hugs me when I am sinking, kisses me when I am forsaking,
You have never left my side....  you find the way to show me the light, you hold my hand and tug at me hard
when you see that Im falling apart. I thought I had it hard teaching you how to walk! Im a handful., I know!

My Love, You are me and I am you... Without you I would not be here~ Please stay with me until we are fully together again. I need you to always tug me hard... Keep me on par... Do not want to lose my way.... I am here for a reason., although not sure what it could be at this point... but nonetheless, I am here..

I think its because I talk to Jesus tooo much. Booboo, I have begun to renegotiate with Jesus. I have offered some quiet time to him. I dont think he is buying it!
Hopefully, one day,  not too far out into the future he will find a space for me somewhere real real close to his heart and yours. I dont want to be a molecule away from neither of you ever again. I plan on kidnapping the both of you, wrapping you up into this little ball so that I can store you in my heart & soul.....When that day comes., Im going to bring a band of music players myself... I am going to prepare the fireworks myself, I am going to play the harp myself toooo... when I come home.. I am coming with much to say and much to do. I have a lot of thoughts and dreams that I need to fulfill with you and of course with my Jesus! 

First things First, I want to see Jesus. I want to take his hand and put it on my face and just look into his eyes and thank him from the depths of my being for his prevalence in my life, for his love and for never letting me down. For being here with me during my time of need. For just being who he is. Then I want My Jesus to take my hand and guide me to you.( My love, I dont know if you could feel the pain in my soul for you. I ache, every waking moment to see your face, to touch your face... To kiss your face)There, I will take my hands and place them on your face, and grasp onto the very moments of the feel of your skin.,Kiss your face and savor the feeling of your face on my lips...look into your eyes and never let go of the feelings my soul felt whenever I looked at you. There I will wrap my arms around you and finally scream..... So whats a little noise from a known noisy girl anyway! I will try to let it out with a little acapella Celine Dion style if at all possible... Or maybe in my case... a Soprano version of Barry White...I will try not to startle Heavens Angels... Im gonna lite up Heavens Gates with excitement !

Its not a dream., Its a knowing of my way. I will keep holding onto to the day when we will be together again. I love you with every cell of my being. You will always be me and I you... We are one together at heart and soul.

Please stay with me until I am with you in heaven. I know its selfish... but i cant do this life without you~

Give my Jesus a huge huge hug and kiss from me. Tell him, I will behave!
Give Mother a double hug and kiss from me. Tell her I will never forget her pain. What I have learned in this life will carry with me eternally.
Give Harry & Farije a huge hug and kiss from me. Tell them both , I miss them terribly. Tell them I said Thank you!
Give Granny buta a kiss from me. Ask her if she knew that I got her the ring. Miss her too much.
Give Grandpa Johnny and Papa a kiss from me. Tell them both I love them. Tell Papa, I heard his mouth noise!
GIVE Aunt Maryanne a Huge, huge , Kiss from me. Kiss her and hug her again. Tell her I said I am sorry that I didnt make it in time to just lay with her and hug her at life. I should have listened to my instincts. Im Sorry and I love you Maryanne.
Now, take Mr. Levy (don) and give him a huge bear hug. Tell him that I said Im gonna kick him in the chin when I see him. I still didnt finish my song. give him a huge kiss on both cheeks., tell him I said thank you for taking me out of my shell. through him god did his work. Why? Im not sure! But he did! Tell him I miss him Terribly too...
Give Mark a kiss from me. Tell him what happened to Niagra Falls! I never went anyway.... Tell him I love him toooo !
Now have them all give you a hug and kiss from me too.

My forever love, the heart of my heart, the reason why I am.... I love you and wish you a very very happy, joy filled celebration for our Jesus birth. Dance and Sing and play your guitar on christmas day. Celebrate Life and love in a way that we can only imagine. One last request., I need you to Stop by so that I can celebrate too. ... I love you and will always be proud of you!

NicNic Christmas around the corner I wish you were here, I know you are busy helping others and I want to wish you a Merry Christams and those you are hanging out with and helping. Seconds don't go by without you in mind and seconds don't go by without you in my heart & soul. I feel you at times just starring at me and I get a cold chill on my neck and I know thats you. Sometime I see you and I know your stopping by to say hello, most of the time I just wish I can just hug and kiss you and bring you home. I know its selfish to feel that way but I prefer you here with us. I love you kiddo miss you soooo much I know you will greet me when I come home! Until then love you miss you, hugs & kisses and Merry Christmas to you, Harry, Farije, Bute, Maryann, Grandpa and all those I did not metion.
Love you...teze

NicNic Happy Thanksgiving bud I rather have you here with us; all I can do is wish and pray but the only way I will see you is when I come home. I miss you so much and want to hug you, Harry, Farije, Bute all those we love and miss. You know I miss you and love you so damn much.
Time is nothing more then a long ride that seems to never end, a road that has no turns and endless ride with obsticles in the way to get where we are suppose to go.
Either way Nic Nic I know you will have a big dinner with everyone I wonder who is cutting the Turkey? LOL Have a wonderful Blessed Thanksgiving Day with everyone that is with you.
I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!

hey nic nic i miss u sooo much plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz come back my insides are ripping up without u and nic nic just to let u know ur so awesome i want to be exactly like u bro ur smart funny and amazing and drawing and i want that tattoo hey nic nic guess what ...NOTHING! ha ha haha hahahahah instead ima call u my big shit  im the little shit ur the big shit LOL  i wish i was in heaven with u for 1 day and hug u to death but tell champ i said hi and tell pop pop and everyone in our family that past on and tell aunt maryann ill watch all the horror movies i can find.LOVE U BRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BYE BRO  u will always be in my heart and when i grow old i want u and everyone to meet me in the gates of heaven

My forever Love,

Life is like a fragile glass....
the tenderness taken for granted
the durability mistaken
the results unimaginable
Life is like a fragile Glass 
its condition not examined
Its capacity not measured
its true purpose misunderstood.


The Glass of my life....  shattered into a trillion pieces. Never to be repaired again.
I thought it could withstand anything that poured into it. My inability to see life as fragile as I do now has resulted in the unimaginable; TIME Gone By In a broken life without the Love of my life. 

I lost the life that bore my life, that fed me love, that gave me sight, that gave me direction, that poured the fluid of my very survival. That held me sane, poured out my laughter, held my heart, shared my soul.  

How I wish I knew how fragile life was. 
I would have moved mountains .. to ensure that our time would have remained frozen...Even if it meant, that i lay down my life to keep us as we knew it then. I ache and worry that you are growing without me and that I am growing old without you.
 
I would have frozen our time my love... Just so that we are always as one, as we were... MY Soul , Serenity and Sanity.... I keep my self on the thought that God will grant me my wish, that we will resume life where we left off and that I will have another chance to hold your hand, kiss your face, tell you how you were and remain to be the sole reason why I am....

holding onto every moment as if it were our last... taking more pictures... building more memory... more hugs... more kisses... a trillion more than the trillion we shared..I pray that God will give me a Life that withstands Eternity with you Forever more.


I sometimes regret not going home with you... together we could have left this world and entered the next as one..the same way we were .You carry my Soul... you hold it in your hands and it will always be yours... MY FOREVER LOVE~ Mommy LOVES YOU SOOO much and misses you more~ IF I COULD BE WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW MY LOVE I WOULD! MY Best friend, MY Bud, The heart of my heart... Keep time still there until I get there! Please dont grow without me. I dont want to miss a thing.... 

I know its selfish, But it is what it is... I have just a little more work here... gotta savor the moments with Mikey and Angelina... Then Home to you~
Life is a Fragile Glass... When it breaks there is no repairing it !

 
 

Nicnic even though my eyes don't see you everyday I feel you, I smell you sometimes I catch a glimpes of you passing through and I smile, and there are days when I hear your voice in my ear so clearly, either way you never left you just went away to take care of things and I know we will see you agian, but for the mean time I dedicate this song to you kiddo. Teze miss you so damn much and today you must hold mommy's hand and hug her as you know she needs you.